Thursday, September 08, 2005

Everyone says I hate you

...you wait in a 15 person line in one of the four Starbucks on your block, then when you get to the register you still don't know what you want. What did you think when you walked into a store that serves COFFEE.

...you work in Starbucks and are thuroughly confused when someone orders a medium. People have been using the concept of small, medium and large since the concept of sizes began. When you go to the movies do order a grande coke? Do you buy venti shirts?

...you are the guy on the subway that wears his aviators. Ok, we get it, you're cool. Now take off those sunglasses so you can see where you're going.

...you walk into a bathrrom and see 14 empty urinals with me at the end, then you proceed to use the one right next to me. Words can't describe my confusion, are you hoping for a peek? Next time you stand next to me, don't be surprised if your shoes get wet.

...you are the guy behind me at every Yankee game that has to say "hats off" before the National Anthem and "everybody up!" at every 2 strike count. Must you live up to stereotype of that guy from the Bronx?

...you work in an office, yet you still don't know how to use a computer. Computers have been in every office since what, 1995? You've had 10 years to learn that the little picture of a disk in the upper left hand corner means save. How do you still have this job? Why must you ask me everytime? I think it's time for a career change.

...you are the person at work that ate my yogurt. It's not the money I'm talking about here, it's the principle. I was hungry, I said to myself "hmm I do have the delicious blueberry yogurt in the fridge." Then when I go to get it, it's gone. Thanks.

...you break the copier and then walk away. You don't try to fix it, you don't tell anyone, you just expect that someone else will take care of it and move on to another copier. Is this how you live the rest of your life, just expecting other people to do everything for you? You disgust me.

...you ride a down escalator. When did you get so lazy that walking down a moving set of stairs became too much work? It's down, typically one flight, no no no I can't do that I'll just stand right here in the middle so no one can get by.

...you sing New York, New York (or any Sinatra for that matter) at a karaoke bar. You are pretty original because no one EVER sings Sinatra at karaoke.

...you stand on the same corner for a month supporting your local candidate in the upcoming primaries. I have a piece of advice, try another corner. Don't you start to figure out it's the same people after about 3 days? I see my dry cleaner once or twice a month and they remembered the second time.

...you are about to get passed on the highway and then speed up. Does your ego hurt that much that you've been passed? Yes, you were going THAT slow and yes I'm going to pass you, so let's just make this easy for everyone, move aside.

1 comment:

The Samurai said...

I Love it. You know that pretty much everything you said hits it on the head.

BTW... The company I work for has a policy... Hire people in their late 50s and 60s, preferrably with no computer training, and then assign them a Laptop, Printer and a digital camera... and I get to train them.

...Here's your sign!