Thursday, September 08, 2005

First I hate you

...you walk 3 or more people across on the sidewalk. Apparently you three are the only three people walking and no one else needs to get by. Please feel free to walk slow and randomly stop without considering that someone may actually be walking behind you. Biggest culprits can be found in midtown Manhattan.

...you use the cardio machines at the gym during peak hours for more than 30 minutes even though there are signs posted everywhere with the time limit. I know you feel you are royalty and above some silly rule at a fitness club. Those 10 people waiting in line can keep on waiting because you need to get that extra 10 minutes in, after all, your time is more important than theirs.

...while entering the subway you enter before everyone has gotten off, not only do you do that, but you then proceed to stop in the entrance instead of walking to the back of the train. All signs of logic and common sense are missing from your brain, you think that if you walk into people head on, you will somehow get a better spot to stand on the train.

...you use corporate buzzwords at work. This doesn't make you sound more intellgient or "on the ball" it makes you sound like an idiot that can't think for yourself. You have been fully brainwashed by corporate America. The corporate vernacular includes such favorites as:

circle back
on the same page
at the end of the day
keep me in the loop
hit me on the cell
shoot that in an email
brainstorming session
diminishing returns

For an in depth analysis of the lingo visit any bank's website and read the services they offer.

...you are Jesse Jackson and claim the word "refugee" is racist. You know at one point in time one could argue that you raised issues that needed to be discussed in national politics. Now, not so much. It's time for you to set off on your iceberg and stop showing up at every national controversy or tragedy.

...you sit at work all day chewing the fat and then complain how busy you are and how your life is so hard. It's absurd to think that you don't realize that you busy by no one's fault but your own. We don't need to hear about your cat's quadruple bypass surgery, I didn't ask for advice for this weekend's date and I don't want to give you the details. Seriously it's time to get your own life and stop living vicariously through your co workers. Some people actually do their work all day so they can leave at a normal hour. While I'm at it, when I get to work at 8:30 and leave by 6 PM don't give me the "half day" comment. Just because you showed up at 10 and didn't start work until after lunch, doesn't me I'm leaving early. see also Face Time

5 comments:

Sporting Pink said...

Amen.

I live and work in Manhattan. I couldn't agree more. I think you forgot to add:

People who don't realize that we walk on the right side of the street in the U.S.

Stinky men who ride the subway during rush hour.

Nikky Egland said...

Ha ha ha, that is hilarious! You forgot: people who slow way down in traffic to point at landmarks, people who slam on their breaks if someone turns their blinker on in the lane next to them, as if that person is just going to change lanes without looking, or people who ride one inch from your ass in 2 lane traffic, instead of just changing lanes.

Anonymous said...

Well done. I have been waiting for a project like this to go public. I think you forgot to add a fav...WHEN PEOPLE CLIP THEIR NAILS ON THE SUBWAY! The enhanced version is when they take this a step farther to clip their toe nails. WHAT IS THAT?

Anonymous said...

I hate you if you run a take out business in NYC and you have the guy that speaks the least english take the orders over the phone.

Deez Nuts said...

I love it, now make me hate it!