Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Hey Batenda, you know how to make a redeye?

…you change seats several times while on the bus. What’s the story here? You get on the bus you get a seat, but at every stop you change seats. Are there better seats than others? Is there some kind of game that everyone but me is playing? From now on you are to get on the bus pick a seat and stay in it, end of story.

…you are the person that reeks of garlic every morning on the subway. Someone commented the other day about “the stinky guy on the subway”, I definitely agree, but there is one distinct odor that occurs all the time and that is the day old garlic breath. Word to the wise, if you have a lot of garlic for dinner, stop or don’t ride the subway the next day while you breathe in someone’s face.

…you speak with a mouthful of food. I’m having lunch today and two women next to me are cackling on and on about something, who knows what because their big disgusting mouths were full of food the entire time. Come on people, we’re trying to live in a society here. Evolved people chew their food, swallow and then speak, you see how that works? Sometimes people even have a drink in there somewhere, I suggest you try it.

…you talk on those obnoxious blue tooth phones. This is another classic case of unnecessary laziness, wireless for your wireless phone? And as if that isn’t bad enough that earpiece is practically surgically attached to your ear. You walk the streets, stores, wherever, just talking into the air as a homeless person would scream obscenities to no one.

…you write blogs on some website that no one ever sees or even they do, it’s still pointless. Do you really think your views and opinions or periodic tirades about what annoys you are worthy of being read? No of course not, but thanks for contributing to the endless waste that is called the internet.

…you read blogs on some pointless website. Is your life that empty and unfulfilling that you waste hours and hours reading barely coherent writing about some 19 yr old’s date last night? If you want to live vicariously through a young exciting life, do like the rest of us do and watch Laguna Beach.

…you ride in an elevator with someone you know and speak at normal conversation levels or louder. There are 10 people in a 5X5 box, shut up for 20 seconds or speak softly. Furthermore, when you get on an elevator and see that the button to your floor has already been pushed you don’t need to push it again. Do you have some magic touch that will teleport you instead? Speaking of teleporting, it’s 2005, it’s time those are invented.

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