Sunday, September 18, 2005

I love it. Now make me hate it

...you think Sean Hannity is intelligent and think "the other guy" (Colmes) really balances the show. Telling people what to think doesn't make you a reporter, it makes you an asshole. Having someone tell you what to think makes you just flat out dumb. And those annoying scrolls at the bottom of the TV have got to end. Does any network have the balls to do something different? Has anyone even taken a survery to find out if people like them? I sure as hell don't. Telling us that Britney Spears is considering the name London for her child is not news and something I wish I didn't know.

...you are over 25 and read Harry Potter books. This is a children's book, I know those big grown up books are tough to comprehend, not to mention those big grown up subjects. Of course you read them quickly, they're written for children.

...you carry full size luggage on an airplane. You know why it doesn't fit? Because it's too fucking big! Check your damn bag like the rest of us in steerage. Your socks and underwear aren't that important. If you are afraid of having your luggage lost again, well, something tells me the first time it got lost, you deserved it.

...You rush to get on an airplane first. Why? Why would you want to be cramped in a tiny seat for any longer amount of time than you would need to? You see that big line your waiting in? enjoy, now you are rewarded with sitting an extra 20 minutes in a seat next to some big fat person whose stomach fat is hanging over your armrest. Well played my friend.

...You still send those chain emails that promise fortunes to you by forwarding the email to 10 people. Let's break this down. First, what would this alleged person pay you for? What service are you providing? what is to be gained by sending an email to 10 people? Second, how would this phantom person even contact you to pay you? Of course you're probably the same person that sends your updated bank account information to "paypal". Back to the story at hand. Third, have you ever heard of this actually working? Perhaps in 1997 when email was still this mysterious temptress, you could get away with this, ONCE. It has never happened and it never will happen. Finally, adding some superfluous disclaimer stating "you never know" or "just in case" does not exempt you from being a complete idiot. In fact, I'm now blocking your address.

4 comments:

Nikky Egland said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! Very funny blog. I hate Britney Spears, she is a dirty slut that smoked and ate cheetos during her pregnancy and now everyone thinks it is so great that she is a mom. On the bright side, now that she has had his baby, maybe Kevin will move on like he did to his first "baby mama."

jj said...

...I hate you simply if you are ON the plane with me. I hate everyone involved from beginning to end of the entire process. I ESPECIALLY hate those aforementioned idiots who rush onto the plane and then don't realize that there is an entire plane-full of people waiting for you to get out of the aisle. Move your ass into the seat and let people move by. Better yet, idiots, take out what you want to play with BEFORE you enter the aircraft. Then you can throw the book or the IPod on the seat, place the bag quickly in the overhead and then move into your seat.
ALSO...I hate you on the airplane if you are sitting in front of me in coach and decide to recline the whole way. Um...we are in coach. That couple of inches isn't going to help you. It's only going to make me chant voodoo curses on you quicker and more vehemently in my head. And for the love of all things precious, please don't recline into the face of those poor people sitting in the last row. THEY CANNOT RECLINE. NOTHING. NADA. You are just being a dick, and I hate you.

Doofi said...

...I hate you if you think Britney spears WON'T be in penthouse within 2 yrs and in another 5 or 6 be sure to pick up the latest copy of Swank with a 200 lb britney layout.

...i hate you if you are on a plane in a row behind me after plane lands and we are exiting. what makes you think that you are entitled to go before me? You see how this works, front to back. The in front of me goes, then I go, then you go. Do you begin books in the middle? Is this how your idiot mind works? Or could it be that you are the dumbass that got on the plane 20 minutes before everyone else and now you are going crazy? Well that's your penance, pay the price you jackoff, I hate you.

Angela said...

HA HA! I hate those chain emails and Britney Spears.