Wednesday, September 21, 2005

My god his hating is better than ever!

...you have ever said the phrase I work hard and I play hard…or what happens in (insert city) stays in (insert city). These are dumb overused clichés that have no business ever being repeated again. The media has a way of destroying sayings and then stupid people like you have a way of taking them that extra step to where they get under your skin and burrow driving all of us mad…oh and that if you talk the talk you better walk the walk one literally makes my ears bleed.

...You narrate every activity of your day in my presence. You don’t deserve a narration, you don’t do anything interesting, you don’t say anything interesting, no one cares what your doing, you don’t even care what your doing, so why would I? And when you have nothing to say, don’t say anything at all, singing out blah blah blah does what now? We as a species can speak as a mode for communication, not to provide some nonsense garble from your empty empty brain.

...You are the guy at the bodega that would not accept my torn $5 bill. The fact that I had to give you a brief lesson in macroeconomics when trying to buy the tasty cookie crunch of a twix really pissed me off. I was hungry and most likely drunk, you were withholding essential nourishment which could only be topped by a greasy slice. You see in this country, if a monetary unit is torn, it’s actually okay, the bank will still accept it and therefore you accept it. But you didn’t and now I hate you.

...You speak with a foreign accent when pronouncing Spanish names, such carlos Rodriguez or that Spanish reporter on CNN. This is pretentious and obnoxious, you are not offending anyone by saying the name or even a Spanish word for that matter, in English. People are expected to speak in English in the US and if you are offended because someone has said your Spanish name with an American accent then I hate you even more than the pretentious idiot that says your name properly.

...You use monster size headphones for your ipod. Come on you look ridiculous. Are you really listening to music on the subway for sound quality? The rest of us just want something to do, you apparently are really “experiencing” your music for that 15 minutes underground. You deserve to be mugged for that.

...You wear your corporate ID badge outside of your office building. I loathe you. You only have to show your ID entering the building, maybe to get access to certain floors, a wallet will serve the same purpose you know. But that’s just within the building. Why do you where it home? Why? Wearing the corporate ID badge in 2005 is comparable to wearing a pocket protector in 1985. Remember revenge of the nerds? You're Gilbert and I hate you.

...You proudly carry your corporate logo messenger bag. Apparently you have no problem parading around as the corporate slave that you are. You see, company gives idiot a bag, idiot gets excited over free stuff, idiot uses bag daily, idiot realizes 4 years later that idiot has been a free walking billboard for corporate conglomerate, idiot gets escorted out of building for trying to steal the kool aid not realizing that this is just more corporate speak, blog writer loses train of thought and has no idea where this is going. I just hate those damn corporate logo bags and I hate you for using one.

2 comments:

jj said...

...I particularly hate people who say "I-Bee-tha" for Ibiza...fuck off unless you are actually from Spain and have that regional lisp.

jessie said...

i seen your post on another blog so i decided to check yours out.
i have to say, you have put into words the exact manner of which i and alot of others feel about assholes. you'd think they'd sterilize the idiots before they were old enough to reproduce!
i will be reading your blog regularly, it's hysterical!