Sunday, October 02, 2005

From Russia: With Hate

...You tell me in the parking lot after a wedding, I don't do PDA. First of all, there has to be affection for there to be a public display of it. Second, I'm drunk, the wedding is over, you're standing in front me...let's make out and then I will hate you.

...You run a bar and don't carry Makers Mark Bourbon. What kind of business are you running here? I don't know how I'm going to react on what you have, it may lead to me trying to make out with girls in the parking lot, I hold you completely responsible for my behavior. If only you had Makers behind that bar, then I would have done what any self respecting individual might do, and that would be to make out on the dance floor in front of the video guy instead.

...I ask you out for a drink, then we get out and you now say you don't want a drink. If you are not familiar with the common term of "going for a drink" then you have a serious social disorder. Word to the wise, a drink means alcohol and enough alcohol means sex. People meet for drinks so that if it is not going well they can bail after one drink. If I say we're meeting for a drink, don't expect dinner either, we need to get through at least two drinks for that. Well I need to get going now, thanks for meeting up for that "drink", I hate you.

...you have said any of the below in your online dating profile. Let me first say that although I see nothing wrong with this, I have not participated in online dating. I'd like to, but just can't bring myself to put my pic up there and to come up with some garble about why I'm online looking for a date. That said, I have this creepy habit of perusing the profiles in search of one that may inspire me to get involved. So here are some of my favorite stupid things people say:

I don't take myself to seriously - what the hell is that supposed to mean?
I love my life, I love my friends - then why are you online looking for a better life and new friends?
I never thought I would do this but - you don't have to explain yourself, everyone else on there doing the same thing, well, except for me.
Giving this a shot - again stop with your disclaimer as if your saying, I really don't belong posting an online personal
I am looking for someone that knows what they want out of life - that's just stupid.
I am a shemale - OK that is scary. Aren't there special websites for that kind of thing?

...You are a cute 23 year old girl that still plays games. Playing games is like so 97, of course you were what 15 then? But come on games are a waste of time, time that could be better spent writing some stupid blog about hating people, people like you.

...You are a cute 23 year old girl that might happen to come across this blog and think I'm serious, call me.

...You are a cute 23 year old girl that thinks I really want you to call me.

...You think I was serious when I told you I also watch Laguna Beach. You will obviously believe anything some drunk guy will tell you. I don't really watch it, I was just making conversation, but I do think that Kristen is such a bitch for lying to Talon and not telling him she was going to San Fran to see Stephen.

...You are the girl from the wedding, I have no clue if I told you about the blog or if you know about it or will someday know about it, well the point is that if you see it, I don't really hate you. If you never see it, well then I hate you even more.

6 comments:

Bettina said...

...when people email me suggesting this is my blog. GOSH!

jessie said...

i wouldnt expect anything more than a one night stand out of anything that happened in a parking lot after a wedding, but then again there's girls who hang their whole world on "what you said to her" and some that actually believe everything you said. these are the same kind of girls who think you're actually gonna call them the next day. they too are the same girls visiting that on-line dating service validating why they're there in the first place. dating is strange anymore.

Nikky Egland said...

Making out in a parking lot can be fun, come on, especially if it is a church parking lot! :)

Doofi said...

Bettina I wish I knew what you meant, maybe I'm still slow from all the booze at that wedding...

Bettina said...

Someone emailed me and asked me if this was my blog. Flattering in one way, since I actually read it. Insulting in another as I'm not male, and have not fully accpeted that I do talk aloud like this day-to-day. Please Lord, let a sedative drop out of the sky, turn my water into wine and release me from this smarmy grey cubical!

Doofi said...

ah, I thought that's what you meant, thanks. I encourage all to speak freely of their hatred. Office life most definately inflicts permanent damage on your soul....