Thursday, October 20, 2005

Good Hate and Good Luck

...You cut me off with your car then proceed to go 10 miles an hour below the speed limit. I’m driving along, driving along, no one behind me for miles, I like to drive a little faster than most, especially since I don’t get the chance to drive all that often. I’m approaching a street and much to my chagrin, you pull out in front of me, inches from an accident then drive at 15 Mph in a 45. not only did you almost kill us, but there was no one behind me, you could have let me go by first, AND, then you have to slow down? Why the rush to pull out in front of me then? I know, you must have been in a rush for me to hate you.

...You spend 6 hours of your 7 hour day making personal phone calls at work. Do you have any idea how loud you are? When I’m doing my hour of work a day, I expect it to not be interrupted by the likes of your yapper talking at speeds unknown to human life form. And the content discussed has no business being discussed at work within direct earshot of at least 10 people, the things you discuss I wouldn’t mention to my closest friend or family member, these are the kind of subjects that go to your grave or are shared only with your doctor. But there’s one thing I’m not afraid to share and that’s my hatred of you.

...You throw your hands up in frustration saying I can’t use this damn computer and ask for my help. What makes you think I would help you in the first place? The sad thing is I did help and when I did, all I had to do was say, of course the formula didn’t work, you’re in Word, you need to use Excel and I hate you.

...You are a bike delivery guy and pay no attention to traffic rules, cars or people. I know the world is coming down on illegal immigrants and all, I don’t care, you bring everything I’ll ever need right to my door, I’m cool with you. But for the love of god, can you learn basic traffic rules? One week in country and you should realize that when cars are all driving one way on a street, it’s a one way street. And when there is a little picture of a person walking in the crosswalk sign and you see a bunch of people walking, you’re supposed to stop. Next time you deliver to me, no tip, except on how you can get me to not hate you.

...You take an elevator up or worse yet, down, one floor. I can’t believe such laziness exists in this world. If you’re not a cripple, there’s no excuse on this. Maybe if you started walking that tough one flight of stairs, it wouldn’t sound like you’re snoring every time you breath you fat ass. You hear me? I’m not wheezing, you can clearly hear me say I hate you.

...You tell me how excited you are that you recently discovered audiobooks which are great on your commute from the burbs. Ok let’s get this straight you suburbanites, I don’t mow the lawn, I don’t go to home depot every weekend, I’m not remodeling my kitchen and/or bathroom, I don’t have to get home to walk the dog (in a literal sense here people), I send my laundry out so I’m not looking for a new washing machine, I don’t own a car so I don’t want to hear you complain about gas prices, the next time you tell me about playing house, I’m going to tell you I hate you.

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