Tuesday, October 04, 2005

It's a Campaign of Hate

...You carry a dog in your purse. There are just so many things wrong with this, I don’t know where to begin. First of all, it’s a dog ladies, it’s not jewelry or a hat. It’s a living breathing animal. I’m so not even an animal person, but seriously a barking cat is not an accessory. The bigger problem here people is that too many women are trying be Paris Hilton. I know it’s easy to make fun of Paris because she has no talents and is annoying, but she’s famous for answering her phone during sex, which lucky for the world we all got to see. Anyway ladies, it’s okay to be sluts, in fact I encourage that on some occasions, but for the love of all things sacred and good in this world, please stop carrying those dogs around in your purses for that will cause me to hate you.

...You see free samples in a deli and go savage on them. I’m getting a turkey sandwich this afternoon and some guy is standing in front of the deli hold a tray of pseudo sushi. First of all the guy wasn’t asian, I don’t trust a white guy making sushi, second, it’s in front of a deli and we all know how much delis are known for their take out sushi, not for nothing but there are about 1000 sushi places in midtown, why go to a deli? We’re getting off topic here, the point is that people will eat anything put in front of them if it’s free, not only will they eat it, but they’ll shovel it into their mouths as if they're trying to get the flies off of them, when all they are getting is me to hate them.

...You were born and raised in the US, speaking English, yet now you suddenly have a faux British accent. I’m not even referring to the Madonna/Gwyneth syndrome where you actually move to the UK and then develop the faux accent, although Madonna did develop hers while in the States. I guess, like the others I’ve encountered, being such an artiste calls for distinction from the rest of us peasants. I mean we’re lowly corporate monkeys, what would we know about high society? Oh wait, you work in the same office as me, that's right well apparently you are so insecure in who you are that you need to develop a new persona of sophistication? Who said that? Tis I that hateth thee.

...You sit around talking about everything that is wrong with you. Why do old people insist on talking about what’s wrong with them and how they are dying a slow miserably painful death? You know, I’m young, I’m happy, I’m healthy I don’t want to know about your prostate, I don’t want to know about the aneurisms in your legs, I don’t want to hear about the gout. Don’t try to make young people miserable like yourself, I’ll have my turn someday, no need to rush it. Oh boo hoo, poor me, I’m so sick, I’m dying, wa wa, go join the I hate myself club, because this is the I hate YOU club.

2 comments:

jessie said...

i have no respect for people who cannot be themselves! it is quite annoying and WRONG to put any animal in their purse! Paris Hilton is a slut and i hate her!

Bettina said...

When I agree and laugh (and see these ninnyheads walking around in my office), agree and laugh......it's so derivative, I hate agree-ers.