Friday, October 14, 2005

Requiem for the Hated

...You ask what I think on a conference call interrupting my IM time. Do you think anyone really pays attention on a conference call? Doesn’t pretty much everyone on IM at some point say hold on I’m on a conference call? You are actually not even paying attention while hosting your own pointless conference call trying to prove your worth to your boss. You also don't need to set up a special dial-in AT&T number if the call is only three people, that's what the whole conference button your phone is for. I get really pissed off if you ask me a question on a conference call as if I've been listening to what you have to say. My response will always be I hate you.

...You work at Microsoft and designed word and/or excel. These goddamn programs have more auto functions I don’t need than I have hate blogs. Every time I use one of these programs, some weird thing shows up that I can’t change. Did you set these on time release so every day something new comes to light to thoroughly aggravate me? I’m trying to simply number paragraphs within a tab and suddenly I have an outline going from I. to the A. to the i. to the a. to the I hate you.

...You call a pointless meeting and have a one on one conversation with the one annoying schmuck that is actually paying attention. Who is this schmuck anyway? He’s the same asshole that was speaking business speak while only a junior in college taking those finance courses. All you wanted to do was pass the freakin exams and he’s sitting there joking about how the AOL and Time Warner merger will never work. Hey you assholes, one on one conversations, take it to your office, there is nothing said here that can’t be accomplished over email, my contribution – I hate you.

...You somehow get caught in the rain without an umbrella when it’s been raining for 10 days straight. I don’t understand how you can possibly not be carrying an umbrella on day 10 of the great flood. Why the hell is it raining so much anyway? I feel no pity on you for being stupid, you deserve to get soaked not to mention there is a guy on every corner selling umbrellas for $5 each. Don’t even ask me how an umbrella can cost less than a coffee, it just does. Don’t ask me why I hate you, I just do.

...You eat in public and put the container directly to your mouth to slurp down the last bit of fat juice left in the container. We already know that your eating in public is the only thing on this planet that could possibly offend me, but when you’re eating Chinese food and you finish the actual food portion, is it necessary to put the cardboard container to your mouth to drink the MSG and Soy mixture? You finish the bag of chips but really need to get those last few crumbs, what better thing to do than to put the bag to your mouth as if this is the last time you will eat for days and don’t forget to lick your greasy fingers when you’re done. Of course you lick them after they’ve touched every handle and seat on the train. That’s it, keep it up, that’s how you keep me hating you.

...You work in the mailroom and take something from my outbox only to deliver it back to me in the afternoon. So you see where it says from, well that’s followed by my name and that spot that says to, well guess what? That’s who needs to get this. I know it’s not indicative of all mailroom employees, but you my friend, you are not too quick are you? You know what else? Hong Kong has no zip code, so stop asking me for one. I’ll tell you once, maybe twice that there is no zip code, and what about all those other people sending things to HK, do you ask them for zip codes every time or do you just try to torture me? Well here’s the new zip code, Hates you.

...You are American but use phrases like “call my mobile” or say “cheers” at the end of an email or write 15 October, 2005 instead of October 15, 2005. You’re American, you can't hide from it, you are to write as you were taught not because you’re trying to fit in with the Brits. Perhaps you need to write that in your shedule and not your schedule? Yes the Brits are cool, they’re witty, but you’re not, let the dream go. You know what else? No one fancies you at all, they just hate you.

1 comment:

hugitoutbizatch said...

I hate when websites make me sign-up when all I want to do is take a look at the comments...