Friday, October 21, 2005

You Had Me at I Hate You

You enter the elevator and hold it open to carry on a conversation with someone not in elevator. Who do you think you are? What makes you so freaking special that you can hold up everyone else in the elevator to talk to your ugly friend about where she got her hair done. Everyone in the elevator knows you’re just being nice, either way you’re being a selfish bitch, I’ve got important hate blogs to get to. From now on if you are conversing with someone not in the elevator, actually if you’re conversing with anyone at all, I’m kicking you and all you’ll be left seeing is me hating you.

You refer to something your eating as “to die for”. I can enjoy myself a nice meal or a night out at a fine restaurant on occasion, but your eating lunch, it’s not the most exquisite tofu soup you ever had and it’s not to die for. Who dies for food? The whole point of eating is to NOT die. Maybe if you cut back on these “to die for” lunches you wouldn’t have that crotch fat. How do you even get crotch fat? At what point do you lose your crotch and gain the fat, I may not know, but I do know the point at which I hate you.

You see me wearing a suit to work and ask where I’m interviewing. You are the biggest and most absolute loser if those words have ever come out of your mouth. You are THE most unoriginal, moronic lifer at whatever company you work. Yes, most offices have gone casual, but just like you, I have clients that I meet from time to time and just like you I wear a suit when I meet them. Are you supposed to be funny right now? In my book, being funny has to have at least 10% originality, which you lack. I realize you are nothing more than office monkey and have no other outside qualities, but keep your dumbass questions to yourself, actually don’t even keep them to yourself, don’t even think these thoughts you are stupid and should be fired on the sole basis of me hating you.

You are stopped in traffic yet continue to honk your horn. Where ya going paco? You see that car in front of you, parked, the one in front of that? parked, and ten cars ahead, parked. You’re not going anywhere, you’re in a standstill, the street is closed. What pray tell are trying to accomplish aside from waking me from my late morning slumber and causing my hate for you.

You are on a date with me and don’t give the obligatory, oh "let me give you some money" when the check comes. You have to know I’m going to pay for dinner or for whatever, but this should never be assumed. You know what that tells me when you don’t at least offer or make the reach? It tells me you are a self absorbed lttle princess that expects everyone do give her whatever she wants. Well dear, I’m sorry, show some class here, not only did you not give the “offer” you didn’t even say thank you. Yeah the date didn’t go to well, you had nothing to say and no sense of humor, but you can have manners, you can say thank you or give the next day text, here’s my next day text, I hate you.

6 comments:

Bettina said...

You are fat. Yes, I already hate you. Ok, you wear niceish clothes for a fatty, yeah that's because you're married and in HR. Yes. But you are holding up an elevator bcos you are continuing a conversation. Can you not see I'm about to murder you both, by strangling you with your trendy tiki necklaces? God, if there were no witnesses to the murder. You know I would. Fuck I hate you fat asshole HR fuckwits. Thank you for polishing a nice days work.

Bettina said...

Do you not see me in the elevator while you continue your conversation? You fat lazy mofo. I hate you. I hate you. If I could only cry like the town friar. God. I am only one woman...gosh...it's over. I hate you so much. I hate your floral polyester top. I hate your accessories. I hate your bad perm. I hate your fringe. I hate your pen. I hate you. Gosh I hate you. Gosh.

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Doofi said...

I hate you if you leave comments on my blog with advertisements to check out your "blog" which is actually a website, not only is it a website but it's one based in Dalllas in case you are a complete moron, i'm in NEW YORK, not to mention that your horrid website is about wedding planning. What a useless contribution to society, stay off my blog, I hate you.

elvira black said...

Don't know if you've covered this, but I hate when you have a meeting with someone in their office and they have to answer every incoming call instead of letting voicemail pick it up so they can show you how important they are while you sit there with your thumb up your ass.

By the way, you can cut out the spam by going to the blogger thingee that puts on word verification. Whenever anyone posts they have to type out several letters in a weird font. The spambots can't read or write so well, so they're outta there. No point in chastizing them--it's just raging against the machine.

jessie said...

what the hell is crotch fat?! i don't know i wanna know! ewe!
i can't stand those idiots in the elevator that you don't even know who try to talk to you like they know you and ask personal questions. i hate princesses too. my sister is a princess and i hate her snotty guts!!! always did.
see you broke down and put up the much despised word verification! it's pretty bad when you can't even blog in peace!