Thursday, November 03, 2005

Doogie Hater, M.D.

...Your the person that emailed me to correct my use of "your" and "you're". Apparently some anonomous prick that blogs about hating people like you on a daily basis is cause for much concern to you. In case you haven't noticed my entire blog is littered with typos, spelling errors and grammatical errors, but then again I didn't realize I was being graded on this. Irregardless, they're are people that ain't gonna get past it. Is this grammatically correct? I hate you.

...You take blogging way too seriously. There are thousands and thousands of blogs out there containing nonsensical dribble about pointless things like hating people. Blogging is simply a way to pass the time between being a slave to "The Man" and your next wiskey. Well I am "The Man" and I'm out here sticking it to the little guy about how much I hate you.

...You think that because you took Spanish for four years in high school you are fluent. You graduated high school like ten years ago, the only time you travelled to a Spanish speaking country was spring break in Cancun where you were able to say Hola, La Quenta por favor and Alto when you wanted the bus to stop. Do you understand this: te odio?

...You are British and tell me the language I speak is not English. Ok asshole, we are speaking to each other right? I understand you, you understand me, what’s your problem? Contrary to your belief, there is no language called American. You are not vastly superior to Americans because you came first. I can say this, you do have a funny accent, I don’t know how you guys even understand each other seeing as I speak perfect ENGLISH and I hate you.

...You send an email with return receipt. I can excuse this if someone just refuses to get back to you, but on every single email it’s an outrage. Is it that necessary to know the exact time that someone opens your email? It’s so nosy and it doesn’t give me a chance to ignore you for at least three days. Of course you are the same person that receives the return receipt and then immediately calls me. Do you have any concept of how society works? Do you not find this extremely annoying when someone does this to you? it’s like you give not a second for me to even process your question or issue, let alone respond. Since you crave instant responses, here’s one, I hate you.

...You refer to your computer as your PC. I really don’t know why I hate this so much, but I do. For some reason, if you own a Mac your computer is referred to as your Mac, but if you own any other kind of computer it’s referred to as your PC. Why can a Mac not be a PC, it could be your own “personal computer” could it not? This is a stupid acronym and I refuse to take part and if you do, well, you are hated.

...You see the elevator arrow pointing up, I’m carrying my lunch and you ask if I’m going down. Why did anyone ever even invent the arrows for the elevator? They are obviously pointless. People are either too stupid and too self absorbed to recognize that there is an indicator telling them the direction in which its going. God forbid you should take one second away from your annoying life to look up and see that I hate you.

1 comment:

elvira black said...

Now wait just a sec--did you say he called you? Did you give this guy your number?

Well, hate me if you will, but PCs are non-Mac's. That's the way they set up the world--I didn't invent it. So hate me if you must. PS--Macs rule!