Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Hate is Enough

...You are in public, in fairly close quarters and fart. The worst part is not so much you farting, well yes it is, but the next worst part is when you give the look around the room as if you are searching for the perpetrator, then you make that face of disgust which everyone else has already done and then you flee the scene of the crime so a new victim can move in and blame an innocent bystander. Do us all a big favor, squeeze the cheeks and head outside where I’ll be waiting to hate you.

...You think having the ability to burn a CD makes me a computer genius. Yes compared to you, I am pure genius, but you have to realize that these things are made for complete idiots. Something tells me you have the entire dummy series. Housecleaning for dummies, dressing yourself for dummies, becoming morbidly obese for dummies, being hated by me for dummies.

...You take a day off from work and come in the next day and ask if I missed you. Are you crazy? Well yes you are, but still, how on earth could I possibly miss you? I have to see you every day and listen to your silly banter about nothing then hear you complain how busy you are even though you spend 4 or 5 hours a day talking about your cats and planning tea parties. You know what? I did miss you, I missed hating you.

...You call someone’s cell phone and think you need to speak louder for them to hear you. Better yet, you call internationally and think you need to speak louder as if that’s required because of the distance. I’m sure that’s been addressed in the past, but let it be known, you are all still so very hated.

...You are now extremely careful of what you do and say around me for fear of becoming blogged. Think of being blogged as a compliment of sorts, a time honored tradition that’s been around for days, if not weeks. It’s like a “shout out” or “mad props” (both of which if you say, you guessed it, hated). You shouldn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed or even stupid, all you should feel is my hatred.

...You are on the elevator and get off on the wrong floor. Seriously people, I never realized so much hatred could be found in an elevator, yet I continue to be pleasantly surprised on a daily basis. I just simply cannot understand how you can get off on the wrong floor, all you do in the elevator is stare at the floor number, everyone standing there staring at the floor number, but somehow when the floor says 24 it doesn’t register with you, you need minutes to process this rather than the half of a second the rest of the normal population needs, but this might take a few hours for you to process, I hate you.

...You are at a cash register and are on the phone. If someone calls you while you’re at the register, you don’t have to answer, its okay, you can call your best girlfriend back in two minutes and have her tell you all about the cutest new shoes she just bought. Not only is it rude to the cashier, who I also hate for allowing such behavior, but it’s rude to me, I’m waiting behind you and you’ve now just added 2 extra minutes to my wait time and that extra time is used to hate you.

1 comment:

elvira black said...

I love when a couple walks down the street and instead of talking to each other, they are each having a converssation with someone else on their cell phones. I love it=I hate it=you double hate it! I like that.