Wednesday, November 23, 2005

The HATE Riot

Contributed by guest hater cleverabuse

...You are the person that refers to New York as The Big Apple. Los Angeles as The City of Angels. Chicago as Chi-town. You say things like "the price of poker just went up" when a bet is made in a nickel, dime, quarter game at my fathers kitchen table. You liberally use the phrases "you go girl" or "who’s your daddy". You insist on calling me "dawg" or "slick" or "chief" and if you have ever made the mistake of calling me "boy" or "son" know this...I am not only thinking of ripping out your tongue and mailing it to your eighties lady wife, I am also hating you.

...You have bumper stickers that say things like "America, love it or leave it!" Fuck you! I was born here you prick, and you know what, I don’t love it...but I’m not going anywhere and you cant make me. I pay my taxes, I contribute to society and I bad mouth it all the while and there is not a goddamn thing you can do about it. You want to be patriotic, fine. Feel free to drive around in your 1988 ford ranger with an American flag in the back window, throwing Budweiser cans in the back and touching yourself because you are excited that you and Bush say "nuclear" the same way (its like wees was kin!). You can yell and scream all you want about how I can leave anytime I want, and you're right I can, but for now I’m content just hating you.

...You want to give me the sob story about how my 37 cents a day can feed little Nakadumu for a month or week or whatever the hell it is. You drag this poor child in front of a camera that costs enough to feed the whole village, and not only that, you don’t bother to swat the fly out of his eye before you take the picture! This commercial has been on for years, why are you showing me the same kid? Why has he not grown? Is his agent not getting him royalties from this? I would send 37 cents a day, just to have the opportunity to hate you to your face.

...You wish you could hate but you don’t have the stomach for it. You sit in your cubicle all day thinking about what you want to say to the asshole next to you that won’t turn his radio down. You don’t say a word to the woman in front of you at the drugstore that continues to cough and hack all the while not having the courtesy to cover her mouth so as not to infect everyone with god knows what. You just smile and slightly turn away and give a slight nod as if to say "I understand". The problem is this; if you don't say it, who will? "Turn that fucking radio down you inconsiderate fuck before I make you swallow it with your lunchables during your 2 hour lunch break!" "Lady, how do you think you got that cold? I bet it’s because some rude bitch was not covering her mouth last time you were at the drugstore and infected you with whatever strain of epizudic they had. Now cover your face or get the fuck out of my way!" If you are one of those people, I don’t necessarily hate you individually, I hate all of you as a group and wonder if you read this and think "that’s what I would say..." but you never will because you can't hate, you, my sad friend are just hated.


elvira black said...

I love the way you're sharing the hate! Cleverabuse, you lived up to your name here.

Speaking of spreading the germs and such, I hate when women are afraid of sitting properly on the toilet seat because they might get a disease, but then leave a puddle for me to clean up so I have to handle their possibly disease ridden piss before i can sit down. You bitches should be forced to lick the toilet seat clean! Hate you long time!

jessie said...

my ultimate 2 are
1: people who yap on their cells so much they need headsets. these asses feel the need to yell into the phone and don't care where they are while doing so, doctors, store, resturaunt, movies and so on. the ignorance of these people is phenominal!
2: the dicks with the huge trucks! they're not happy with having a normal truck, noooo, they gotta put a lift kit on it, duallys, chrome and so on! dude seriously, trucks were made for utilitarian purposes, hauling and towing shit, not for cruising around town hogging the road, tailgaiting people, cutting someone off to only go slower than me. this is soo irritating. these hillbilly dummys need their asses kicked! just because you have a monstrosity of a truck doesn't mean you own the road, billy bob!

Doofi said...

I hate you if you are a guy and are afraid to sit on the toilet properly. Hasn't anyone heard of the crowsnest? it forms the all too important barrier between your ass and the bowl. But when it's a guy using the toilet, it tends to be a little more of the solid type that can (AND DOES)get on the seat.

People that drive trucks for no other apparent reason than to carry their confederate flag, well they are actually in my other blog...I loathe you if.

the cell phone headset deserve to get the brain tumors they are so obviously creating. I can't wait for when we all have little phone chips implanted into our heads, then we will all look absolutely insane, walking around talking to "someone on the phone" sure there's someone there, keep telling yourself that, they're not just the voices in your head, right, i get it and i hate it.