Monday, November 21, 2005

I'll Stop the World and Hate With You

...You overfill the shredder every time you use it. You’d think after the first one or two times that you put too much paper into the shredder at once, you’d learn. But no, you think the more you try it, the more papers you can stuff in there, the better it will work. I guess everytime it jams, which is everytime you use it, you don’t comprehend how this works at all do you? A few papers at a time is all you need for me to not hate you.

...You send me an email with pictures of “cute” dogs. Don’t you get it? I hate animals, I don’t like yours and I don’t like strange dogs, I don’t like em. And it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that when I was 5 my lip was torn off by a dog. And don’t ask me why it was my lip, when a 5 yr old bends over to pet a dog, where’s he gonna get bit? His face you dumbass. Thank god for plastic surgery otherwise I’d be on a mission to rid the world of every canine; that of course would be after I hate you.

...You call me into your office, your phone rings, you answer and leave me sitting there for at least 10 minutes, me fed up, finally leave get back to my office which is the furthest point in the building away from you. Within 10 seconds of getting back to my office you call and say you are off the phone and ready to see me. I get back to your office and you’re on the phone AGAIN. Hey dickface, you have voicemail for a reason. You’re not saving lives here, you don’t have to answer the phone. You call me to your office, you better fucking respect my time and not waste it. it’s funny because when you’re boss calls me, I don’t always answer the phone you little kiss ass, so if some punk ass twenty something obnoxious prick like myself can not answer the phone once in a while, you can try it or continue to be hated by me.

...You think just because someone has a baby, they assume you now want to see all babies. Call me a heartless asshole, but if I’m not related to the baby I really don’t care. It’s not me with the baby, I’ve got a nephew, probably the only baby/child I’ve ever actually wanted to see. First of all, a baby just sits there, cries and eats. What the hell am I supposed to be interested in? so I’m with my sister at family events which of course involve about 75 people of which I know about 2. Every old lady asks my sister, did you see so and so’s baby? Oh this one has two, she’s got three….my sister and I couldn’t give two shits about someone else’s kid so we just sit there hating everyone’s babies. Yeah, I said it, I hate everyone else’s babies.

...You are my neighbors that insist on slamming doors. These walls are paper thin, you know that because you can hear me hating from my apartment so why do you think I can’t hear you? Everytime you leave or come home you let your door slam, everytime you go into or out of the stairwell, you let the door slam. It’s not too difficult to hold the door until it shuts, common courtesy people. I hate myself for actually hating people that slam doors, I sound like my parents…..what have I become?

...You are a grown adult and obsessed with children’s stories. Star Wars, lord of the rings and you guessed it you magical freaks, Harry Potter. As with the books, the movies are FOR CHILDREN. There is no land of mordor which by the way, for some reason there is a mordor in every single children’s story that has dragons. Mordor must be the center of dragons OR it’s the capital of people hated by me.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

it's time to start get bold and start bashing "the establishment" now that ur leaving..... love it....

jessie said...

i have always hated when my kids were small and people acted like it's a baby beauty pagent or something. which brings me to another hated point, poeple who pop out kids to parade them through these baby beauty pagents like they're dolls! they're little people, not dolls! jeeze! my kids are door slammers. i have actually resorted to taking their doors off the hinges at one point.

Doofi said...

it's really creepy when insecure moms dress up their 6 yr old girls like little sluts to be judged dirty old men or women. This is a great way to start disorders nice and early...