Friday, November 18, 2005

It's the end of the hate as we know it

...You started singing that infectious song after reading the title. That's it sing away. I hate that song too, I looked up the lyrics once and a verse literally said gibberish. Actually that's kind of funny because some idiots out there in their tight rolled jeans were trying to figure them out at one point in the 80's. I say we bring back the tight rolled jeans and loafer look, but you go first, then I will hate.

...You think I’ll be able to continue my hate blogging at such a furious pace when I start my new job in December. Tragically, I’ve decided to trade in the 2 hour workday for another real job thereby thoroughly reducing the time I can dedicate to hating. I can make one promise to the all the little hatesters out there caught up in hate-a-mania, I will try my best to keep the hate alive. I hate you if you think this immediate and not just a forewarning. I hate you if you think there will be no more hate. I hate you if you still don’t check every single day, morning and afternoon just in case. I hate you for not checking when you get home from your mind numbing job. I hate you for not doing that now and I hate you more for not doing that in the future. Until the reduction in hate, enjoy and hate your fellow man.

...You call IT because you pushed the power button on your computer and it didn’t shut off. You stupid idiot. Why is it that as soon as something doesn’t work you immediately call for help? Can’t you do anything for yourself? It’s called trial and error. You would have been dead within hours in the hunter gatherer days. Even so, if the computer power button isn’t working, how about shutting off the power cord? Ever think of that? The worst part is you just sit there going on and on and on about how you can’t shut it off and then tell everyone that walks by and complain and get hated by me.

...You are shopping at the supermarket and feel it is necessary to stop in the middle of a narrow aisle with your cart perpendicular blocking passage for anyone. First off this is NY, you shouldn’t be shopping with a cart anyway, use the basket and please do not bring your own cart that’s just weird. If in the burbs, ok you can use the cart because you shop for a month at a time and eat 20 times as much as city dwellers even though you get in your car to go less than a mile away. Either way, if you are in the supermarket at the same time as me, I hate you.

...You are reading the hate on my computer screen when I get back from the bathroom. Ok it was my fault for leaving my hate up on the screen, but it wasn't the blog, I do as any fake employee would do and that is to have my hate saved as a draft email that has now far surpassed the 15 page point. At least now you have a subtle hint that you are the one that is in fact hated.

...You are the executive down the hall that smokes in his office. I don’t really care that you came up with such a “priceless” slogan, it doesn’t entitle you to do whatever you damn well feel like. Smoking doesn’t bother me, but if the rest of the world has to follow laws, well my friend so do you. Oh and the “employees must wash hands” also includes you, try it sometime Mr. Delicate Genius. I hate you.

...You think I’m not computer literate enough to trace the ISP paths of everyone that visits the hate. Actually I stumbled on this while bored at work recently, seeing as I’m “checked out” with the new job coming and all, as opposed to the rest of my 13 months here. Anyway, I know who’s been here, when you’ve been here, how many times you’ve been here and I’ll be sending reports to all your employers, because it has their names too. I mean I’m totally in favor of sticking it to the corporations, but you people reading this from schools? Oh that’s so wrong, won’t somebody think of the children? And there are a lot of teachers out there that apparently hate, it’s good thing you’re all teachers because you’ll get hated right back.

4 comments:

cleverabuse said...

i think it would be great if you wanted to do some...a little cross traffic. if you are interested we could do an exchange and ill let my readers know i posted here and you posted on mine, its up to you. just post on my comment board and i can cut and paste

elvira black said...

I hate it when those darn corporate entities try to suck you up into their little labor camp style game and take up precious blogging time with their so called "work." Bah! Don't they know that thanks to surfing and blogging, your communication and IT skills are honed to a fine edge, and they are the beneficiaries?

Sure hope the High Priest of Hate still has time to, as you say, keep hate alive. I'll bet that with your new job with the absurd work requirements, you'll have even more to hate. May the circle be unbroken!

Doofi said...

It's not so much that the hours will be restrictive, it's that while at work, i'll actually have to work, the bastards! unfortunately, my financial well being has to once again take precedent to my social hating. I am going to try my damnedest to keep hating, which i'm sure will not be much of a challenge. Although, I currently spend majority of my time at work just hating away. As people are talking to me, i'm hating. As people are talking to each other, I'm hating. Elevetor, I'm hating. Lunch, I'm hating. Commute - you better believe I'm hating. Gym, bars, dates, you name it, i'm hating....i guess my point here is that the hate will surely continue.

jessie said...

nosy people need to be hated and told so! how ignorant to read someones stuff like that! what's worse is when you have someone standing there behind you reading over your shoulder and actually has the nerve to ask you to scroll back up so they can finish reading what it was you were typing! yes my brother in law is so bold! HATE, HATE, HATE and MORE HATE!!!!!