Tuesday, November 08, 2005

She Blinded Me With Hate

...You are emptying the only available dryer in the laundry room and folding the clothes as you empty it. You selfish, self centered bitch. Why are you so deserving as to make me wait for you to fold your precious underwear? I guess the folding table are there for nothing. Then you turn to me to ask oh are you waiting for this one, oh no go right ahead take your time, I just came down here to the laundry room to watch your masterful clothe folding skills. What am I waiting for? I’m not waiting for anything except to hate you.

...You email people a picture of your child and send along every picture in your online photo album. It’s bad enough you’re sending me a picture of your child that I don’t want to see, but then I get exposed to you in a bikini from your trip to Mexico, which we really don’t want to see. We have to see you in your florescent tourist clothes in Disney. We don’t want to see pictures of Aunt Sally’s 93rd birthday party. All we want to do is hate you.

...You see me wearing headphones yet continue to attempt to have a conversation with me. You see these two white headphones that say hey look at me I’m so cool, I have an ipod? Well I’m wearing them for a reason, so I don’t have to speak to the likes of you. I can relax, listen to some tunes and hate you.

...You come over to my office and proceed to give me an in depth detailed description of what you did after work yesterday. Oh what a great story about how your two cats were snuggling up next to each other. Two things, did you notice that I’m not a woman? I don’t care about your “cute” animals and second, did you notice that I’m still typing on my computer, talking on the phone and ignoring you? no you didn’t, leave me alone I have important blogging to do here.

...You make a pointless comment to me saying, oh you eat healthy too, we all eat healthy around here. TOO? WE? No, no no. I may eat healthy but you most certainly do not. How can you possible say that with a straight face as you’re eating a bag of potato chips with a triple choco mocha latte? The calories in that “coffee” alone are enough for your total daily intake. How about your daily calls for tea parties full of cake and cookies and god knows what else? Why do I work here? I had no idea these type of people existed, but I’m glad they do so now I can hate them.

...You are fascinated when someone has the same last name as you. You’re not too bright are you? I’m sure the other person wants to compare notes and guess where in Italy you’re both from, I bet it IS the same town because just like in the States, if you have the same last name you MUST be from the same town. Have you ever used a phonebook? Probably not, because no matter where you are someone always has the same last name, you’re not that original, but you are hated.


jessie said...

that last bit was hilarious! i needed a good laugh today. The "you're not too bright are you?" line is like a trademark line for me, i must say it a thousand times a day! Wonder how easy a stupid persons life is?

Doofi said...

I hate you if the most difficult part of your day is deciding what to wear. wait that's mine, but only because i've been hiatus for a yr. actually the most difficult part of my day is facing the people at work that are all too eager to offer up personal information, insist on knowing what i do in my personal life, and talk with their mouthes full of food that they only buy from boutique type eateries or something else gourmet because god forbid someone should find out they ate a turkey sandwich made by some sweaty mexican guy in a filthy deli.