Sunday, November 06, 2005

Wine, Women and Hate

...You are Tom Cochrine and wrote the song Life is a highway. This is clearly numero uno on my top five all time hated songs list. This song as caused no less than 4 car accidents when it came on the radio and I immediately had to change the station, at all costs. It is clearly THE worst and most annoying song ever recorded in the history of all recorded music. Hey Tom life is a highway if you're going my way, I'll fucking hate you.

...You would walk 500 miles just to be the man who walked 1000 miles to be hated by me. Oh you creepy twins, I soo am not a fan of you and therefore must hate.

...You are the song walkin in Memphis by Ray Cohn. Such an annoying song littered with references to say hey i'm soooo smart I can strategically place references to historical events so your lesbian 8th grade history teacher can play the song in class and get you to hate me.

...You are the Eagles and recorded Hotel California. Coming in at number 4 on the all time hated list, namely for being played about 10,000 times too many. Let's not confuse this with the spanish version by the Gypsy Kings which is a pure gem, we're talking bout the original Mr. Fry. Go ahead play it, play it one more time, I dare you, because then I'll just hate you even more.

...You are Celine Dion and sing your "beautiful" songs. You and your faux french accent, yeah that's right, faux. We all know you are really some hick from the backwoods of Kentucky when one day frenchie swoops in and makes you famous for torturing audiences across the globe. I hate you even more if you have ever bought a celine CD, have ever been to one of her concerts, have ever made a point of watching her annoy millions on the Today show, have ever kept a radio station on that was playing one of her songs. How is it that everyone I have ever known hates her and her horrible music, yet for some reason she's famous? You all disgust me and I hate you.


Doofi said...

if you're wondering about the spelling of the singer's names, a big F U to you, i hate you if you think i'm not too lazy to look the names of people for the correct spelling or song titles or anything, their being hated, why should I care...that's a preemptive hate for my grammar friends out there.

elvira black said...

Howzabout Whitney Houston:

And i--yeee-iii--will alllways love yououououuo--

I hate it more when all the little girlie morons sing along.

Doofi said...

that's a good call, how about steve winwood, bring me a higher love? I just heard that in Associated and felt the need to throw down my potential purchases and run out of the store.

elvira black said...

That's it...I'm going into show biz. I'm plan to do all new "interpretations" of the most hated songs, including Bring me a Higher Hate, I will Always Hate You, and The Greatest Hate of All (is happening to me...).

Doofi said...

that's a show i wouold definately pay good money to see. A tip for your a future show stopping performance, please make sure you have the lip quiver and the finger point when singing I will always hate you. You can also go to vegas and do the anti celine show, just take the word 'love' out of each song a replace it with hate. which is easy seeing as she has not one song without the word love in the title, actually i'm making that up i couldn't tell you one song she sings, i just loathe her, in fact she now goes before the life is highway guy.