Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Wuthering Hates

...You make your job sound more important than it is. Your job is not important, you’re not saving lives here people, you’re just another cog in the wheel. You have one purpose and one purpose only, to make some rich guy, richer. You can sit there working your 15 hours a days, talk your productivity and tell jokes about this months revenue, but stop kidding yourself, you were hired by someone because he’s that rich, he can pay you to do his job while he’s the one getting rich. I hate you more for being offended that I’m saying “He”, when I say “He” I of course mean a rich white guy or a corporation founded by a rich white guy. Guess what? This not-so-rich white guy hates you.

...You give advice by bragging about how great you are and how great your life is. Don’t give me career advice by telling me how you grew up poor and now you make more money than your lawyer brother any every single person you know. I would never expect a non lawyer to be as evil as you, but kudos on that. Telling me how much you paid for your house in Westchester or that you took your family on a $25,000 ski trip to Colorado does not impress me. Not to mention that you’re about 45, I’m 28, who are you trying to impress? You also pegged me completely wrong, money? No, I didn’t grow up poor, I grew up hating, hating the likes of you.

...You send me a full report from your website database instead of just sending me a link to the website like I asked. I’m not a tard like you, I asked for a link to your stupid website so I can get what I need myself. Although I like you doing my job for me, allowing more time to hate, I must hate you for doubting my intellect and thinking I’m as dumb and hated as you.

...You tell me I’m not allowed to use a company envelope to mail something personal. Why are you so loyal to a corporation? Why do you think that no one else does that, including the executives that pay for absolutely nothing? You make what, about $50k a year, but you have to buy your own lunch, your own coffee, your own dinners, pay for your own transportation, the executives make what? At least $1.5 mil? They get free lunch, free coffee, “entertain” clients nightly, free sports tickets, company car, housing allowance, etc. yet you are sitting there concerned about my single use of an envelope that costs the company about ¼ of a penny. And yes if everyone in the office did the same thing, the company might be out a whole dollar. That’s right, I hate you.

...You reassign a “project” to me without any authority. So I try to play the nice guy role once in a while, offer some assistance when I get a little sick of blogging. So if I ask you, do you need help don’t come back and dump days and days of your work on me. Even worse, if it’s not work related, like when I know a guy that knows a guy that can get you a deal, yeah well now it’s not my job to call him, it’s not my job to do anything, I’ll give you the number, that’s it, but I can guarantee what he’ll say and that will be that he hates you too.

...You are sick yet continue to come into work. This goes along the same lines as bragging about how much you work, you just want to be able to say how sick you were but still came into work. If you’re sick, stay the fuck away from me. You come in coughing all over the place, not covering your mouth, you have snot literally dripping from your face, using your hand to wipe it away, then extend your arm for a handshake. You are repellant. Stay home, enjoy the day or two off, watch your one life to live and your GH, some springer (is that still on?) just don’t come to work. I’m trying to keep up my streak, I haven’t been sick since March of 2000 and by not being sick I mean that I hate you.

...You think a floating holiday has to actually be taken on a holiday we don’t get off. You are such a silly pointless person. Was it necessary to call HR to ask the rules on floating holidays? Did you really not believe me? Thank you for trying to tattle on me as well when you told HR it was me who gave you the allegedly bad information. Of course you looked like the fool when HR told you I was right and that they also hate you.

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