Sunday, December 18, 2005

Better off hated

...You have the best equipment and clothing yet suck at skiing. So you blew 5 grand on all that gear but you completely suck, you can barely make it on to a ski lift lift and snow plow all the way down the mountain on greens. You aren't fooling anyone, especially not me who hates you.

...You are "the guy" wearing jeans when skiing. At least you know you suck and didn't blow a ton of money on ski gear but seriously, you can get yourself some cheap ski pants, don't you get it? Your wearing jeans skiing, do wear them playing basketball, well yes you do, but being from the Bronx is not an excuse to escape my hate.

...You go up to Vermont for a ski weekend, go to the cheesy bars and wear the same Banana Republic stripe shirt that you wear when going to your favorite B&T midtown bar. Guy, you're in the sticks, yes the bars think they are nightclubs for some reason, but didn't you notice everyone else wearing jeans and t-shirts, maybe a fleece? You're not clubbing here, you're sitting around watching the girls with the tank asses shake them thangs on the "dance" floor and being hated by me.

...You are the dude that insisted on sitting at our table at the first bad bar we went to. So that chair was about 3 feet away from me, why did you insist on pushing it right next to me to the point that your leg was less than an inch from me? You sat down, got up to do whatever it was you were doing on the dance floor, I pushed the chair away from me, then you came right back moved in next to me again. What goes in that retardedly drunk mind of yours? and spilling your beer on my shoe will only get you hated twice as fast.

...You run one of the cheesy bars on a VT ski mountain and charge $15 just to walk in the door. I'm sorry I must have missed the velvet ropes and Richard Greco, what do you think you are running here? The worst part is, I actually paid it, putting a blonde with large breasts hanging out of her shirt at the door was a good move, well played, but you are no doubt hated.

...You card me at the bar in a ski lodge at like 3 in the afternoon. Carding me, although a compliment, gets you hated. Carding me when I order a second drink is worthy of loathing and guess what? You are loathed by me.

...You are naked gym guy that broke your own record at naked time in the locker room. After 3 days of skiing and drinking, there's nothing quite like a nice 5 mile run to end the weekend, but naked guy, please please spare the rest of the sane world and wear clothes when drying off. I mean I went to get a tissue and you are standing there right in front of them, naked, blow drying your hair with your pup dangling in the tissue box. Why the need to weigh yourself after working out? Are you weighing in for a wrestling match of some sort? You're like 50, what are you competing for, how fast you can be hated by me?

...You think it's odd that I took a day off of work after being at the new job only 4 days. Some people plan and pay for ski weekends well in advance, some people have important matters to attend to in VT on at a ski resort, some people are obnoxious assholes that hate you.

...You are at my old job and for some reason using my old computer. I'm not sure who you are or what you are trying to find on my old computer, but seriously log me off of AIM, I mean everyone on there must have asked 7 times why I didn't respond to their IMs. To people I know, I can't IM at the new job, it's an imposter trying to find the hate, don't let them in on the secret or else you run the risk of being hated by me.

...You are my old job and feel it's necessary to mail my last paycheck instead of direct deposit it. Um hello, I was going skiing for the weekend and needed that money, it's not going to me any good sitting in a mail box rather than my bank account. That reminds me, I hate you if you run a cheesy bar in VT and when asked if you have an ATM you say I can take money from a debit card for $10. I spit in your eye for that comment. I'm not some drunk idiot 21 yr old kid getting a ski weekend in after finals. I'm a drunk idiot 28 yr old kid that took a day off after starting a new job to avoid christmas shopping, look for cougers and to hate you.

1 comment:

jessie said...

i hate to ski, i always break something!