Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Mason-Dixon Hate

...You think the bible supercedes the Constitution.

...You sought a court order to say it's okay to marry your first cousin.

...You think Jeff Foxworthy is funny because it's true.

...You voted for Bush because you're not an issues guy.

...You spend Sunday afternoons watching cars drive around in circles.

...You go to church for 5 hours with 50,000 other people.

...You think it's okay for a preacher to be a millionaire.

...You think Sadaam was responsible for 9/11.

...You call gay people, "'dem dare queers".

...You call people with common sense liberal elitists.

...You think the Bill of Rights is synonomous with the ten commandments.

...You have no idea what synonomous means.

...You went to 30 debutante balls when you were in high school.

...You see no irony in Bush claiming to restore "honor and dignity" to the White House.

...You refer to Massachusetts as taxachusetts.

...You see no hypocrisy in opposing abortion but supporting the death penalty.

...You have said the phrase "guns don't kill people, people kill people."

...You think country music and Christian rock are good.

...You don't understand what it means to conjugate a verb.

...You do not have a passport and see no reason to ever leave the country.

...You thought it was appropriate for the House to waste time in declaring that french fries will be called freedom fries, even though this is a food item, has nothing to do with the law and they were actually invented in Belgium.

...You have no idea what I mean when I saw Belgium, that's just a waffle to you.

...Your favorite movie is Top Gun because they kick some ass.

...You are white, use the N word and think nothing is wrong with it.

...You think there should be a fence on the US-Mexico border.

...You are the exact reason Canadians sew a patch of their flag on their backpacks.

...You wear shorts and florescent t-shirts on vacation, no matter where you are or the time of year.

...You own and wear a "fanny pack".

...You have been to Graceland and thought it was nice.

...You, nor anyone in your family has ever served in the military, but you love going to war.

...You always agree with Bill O'Reilly because he tells you he's right.

...You beat up the smart kid in school because he knew how to read.

...You have only owned a truck and would never consider buying a car.

...You have three kids, all with different fathers.

...You refer to anything cooked on a grill as Bar-B-Q.

...You know at least 2 people that have been on Cops.

...You still make reference to the Mason-Dixson Line and would never cross it.

...You participate in Civil War Reenactments even though you LOST.

...You only voted when someone threatened to change your state flag by removing the confederate remnants.

...You are laughing because this describes you.

...You are enraged because this describes you.


Anonymous said...

Worst post ever. You need to get back to hating people who stop at the top of escalators.

Anonymous said...

I concur

Doofi said...

i hate you if you comment anonymously on my blog telling me you hate my post. Well i hate you and I wish you would never come bacl to my blog where you will only be hated. Grow a sac and post your name you cowardly anonymous commenter. You can't hate, you can only be hated.

Anonymous said...

It doesn't matter what my name is since you don't know me.

If I signed it Joseph Schwartz, would it matter?

Mary said...

I hate you if you are the guy in the giant-assed SUV meandering along like you are taking part in a funeral procession in front of me as I drive into the parking garage at work. The spaces on the lower levels are FILLED you dim-wit!!!! There are plenty more if you just continue up the damn ramp. Oh no! You spot ONE space and have to spend 25 minutes manuevering your gas guzzler into that tiny space creating an unwilling second line parade of 15 cars behind you on the ramp SOME (me) with standard transmissions causing my deoderant to fail as I try to pull out of first gear on a steep ramp without sliding back into the car behind me. You look triumphant as you finally park. You think you have accomplished something BIG. You have. 15 assorted people now hate you simulatenously. And 15 people doing ANYTHING simultaneously in New Orleans is a big accomplishment.

jessie said...

i did not beat up the smart kid cause he was smart. i did it cause he wore funny looking pants and stared at my boobs too much!
funny post.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you hate the South and everyone down here, what better reason to keep you up there! My only wish is that ALL yankees felt like you! As far as the war being over, I know where and why my ancestors fought, I doupt you know who your real great-grandfather is or when he illegally came to this country. The South is a people, place and culture that lives on in the hearts of millions, the north is just a direction on the compass!

doc said...

congratulations, anonymous, you love the South. Your comment though, congratulations again, it's hated. Get the idea, that's what this site is about. Hate and be hated. Isn't it fun?