Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Take, Eat, This is my Hate which is given to you

...You approach the Starbucks in the lobby of my office building and notice that it's closed and instead of saying, oh that sucks, you say "OH NO, HOW AM I GOING TO GET COFFE, WE'RE DOOMED". Yes you are indeed doomed, a big hole is about to open up in the floor and suck you into the depths of hell. Forget that there is a starbucks across the street, oh and another one on the twelvth floor. No sir, you may not be doomed, but you are in fact hated.

...You constantly beg for attention, literally. You are one day from work and say, oh did you miss me? Do you like my pretty christmas sweater? Do you think I'm 10 or 11? You are an idiot if you are an adult and still need constant reassurance that you are not hated by me.

...You are at the gym and HAVE to use a cardio machine that is right next to your best girlfriend. Um why do you need to this? You both have headphones, you both hate each other because no two females can ever be friends. Oh and I hate you if you hate me for making that comment, deep down you know that you really hate your best girlfriend, she's only your best girlfriend so you can keep tabs on her to make sure that you hate her more than she hates you.

...You are a cab driver and think it's appropriate to charge 10 bucks to get from roc center to grand central, but then another 50 bucks to go to the east village. Hey, Muhammed Jihad, how does an extra 35 blocks equate to 50 bucks, you must be kidding you gouger, first you have all the oil, now you have all the cars....and all the hate.

...You speak to me in the bathroom. I don't know you, I've never met you, why do you know me? And yes I'm still in the office on the other side of the floor, I just started last week, what do you mean still? Maybe after a month or two or three, then it deserves a still, but now? It only deserves a hate.

...You call me from my old job to ask me a question. Maybe you didn't get the memo, but I quit. Now you are going trust what I tell you? Here's what you need to do. Go into the shared drive and hit select all, then hit delete. Next you want to uninstall word, excel, and anything else that starts with micro and ends in hate.

2 comments:

elvira black said...

Same shit, different day. New job, old hate. I'm sorry(?) this job is as hateful as the last. But I'm confident that as you continue to move up the corporate latter, your hate will prevail, producing the trickle down hate effect that is, after all, what capitalism is all about.

Doofi said...

its like supply side hatenomics. No new job is great, but plenty of random things to hate....