Friday, January 06, 2006

The Hater in the Rye

...You refer to your mother as "my moms". Either you come from a very progressive family and actually have two mothers or you are completely illiterate. I vote for the latter, because I hate you.

...You have ever said before playing "the big game" that you are going to win this one for "bobby". By Bobby I mean the kid who broke his arm or leg in last week's game or the kid that contracted the mysterious case of TB. Either way you are going to lose the game and then be hated by me.

...You put an additional you at the end of a sentence after you have already the person as you. That makes no sense, example. I hate you, you little prick you. Um yeah I think we know who you're talking about here, no need to through in the extra you. Yo, my moms and I are going to win this one for little bobby, we're gonna get you hated asshole you.

...You use the bathroom at my office. I swear every single time I go to take a piss someone is in there taking a dump. The room perpetually smells like ass, ass that hates you.

...You are a January gym asshole and are on the treadmill reading a book, barely even moving. If you went any slower, you'd be moving backwards. God I really really loathe you, I never realized how annoying you are until I had to wait for someone to read three chapters of The Devil Wears Prada or one of those other stupid books that is basically on the same level as reading People. Just know this, as you are attempting to piece together syllables into words, I'm hating you.

...You are in the locker room getting dressesd shirts, socks and everything else before the underwear of course, and are taking up half the locker room, and are right in front of my locker. Guy, what's your deal? Do you think I like just standing here for fun? The speed at which you dress yourself makes me think you are retarded, literally, not to mention you wearing long johns under your wool pants. Where are you going, in Manhattan, that you need to be wearing long johns, how long could you possibly be staying outside, how long can you stand there getting hated by me?

1 comment:

elvira black said...

Just stopped in because I'm behind in my hate. Speaking of behinds--glancing at your latest posts, I see you have a lot of naked-ass hatred in the lockerroom going on right now. My condolences. I shall return. Keep hate alive!