Saturday, January 14, 2006

Sky Rockets in Flight, Afternoon Hate

...You enter a revolving door in the same compartment as me. First time in a revolving door huh? Never left Iowa before? You see in civilization we have these things called doors and they revolve and you walk through one at a time, you get it? ONE at a time. Did you not see the other people before you when you were trying to time your entry into the door? Did you not see that I was already there hating you?

...You insist on holding a baby. Please for the love of all things sacred in this world can you please shut the hell up about holding the damn baby. Oh look he's eating, oh look he's pooping, oh look I think he's tired, let me hold the baby. Why do you need to hold the kid, he's not a joint to be passed around, does this give you some kind of satisfaction because you can't get some guy to get you pregnant? All you can get is some guy to hate you.

...You are wearing a tie and your collar doesn't cover it all the way around your neck. This has absolutely no impact on my life, but you are still annoying. If I can simply look in a mirror and check this so can you. An extra 2 seconds in the morning is all this requires, but noooo that's 2 seconds too long for you, but alas I have an extra 2 seconds to hate.

...You approach a subway turnstile, see that I stepped aside to take out my metrocard then proceed to block entry for anyone else and search in your bag for literally 5 minutes not letting anyone pass. I had the decency to step aside to take out my card, this was an extra 5 seconds maybe 10, but you see, I understand the concept of keeping things moving, you don't, you only understand the concept of being hated.

...You try to gain traction at work by using corporate speak, you are impressed by the use of corporate speak and think I'm serious when I tell you I'll be out of pocket so you can just hit me on the cell. If you are still using corporate speak and don't realize that I'm laughing uncontrolable when I'm offline, well then you need to look at the big picture here, because at the end of the day, it is what it is. But let's not spoil it here by throwing the baby out with the bathwater, I realize you have a lot on your plate right now, but I'm not asking you to reinvent the wheel here, it's a simple matter of bringing critical mass to our efforts and that critical mass is hate.

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