Wednesday, February 08, 2006

The Answer My Friend, Is Hating in the Wind

...You constantly move around on the subway as if jockeying for position. Is this a race? Do we really want to bring it to that? There is no purpose in you moving from one end to the other end sitting, then standing, then sitting, then getting hated.

...You are on the subway having a Jesus seizure. It took every inch of my body to not break out into explosive laughter at the sight of you shaking and twitching all over the subway yelling Jesus. Why do people feel that the best place to worship is on public transportation? Have you ever converted anyone with your antics? The only thing more bizarre are the Jews for Jesus, um have you paid attention to ANY of your religious doctrine? I may know much about Judeism, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be for Jesus, but whatever just don't have Jesus seizures or else I'll have to hate you with every inch of my body.

...You yell to me how you caught me "macking" on the attractive woman that sits outside my office. Macking? Are you Kris Kross? Do you want to jump jump? And go ahead shout her name it's not like she has a unique name that sounds like a porn star name, nope, she'd couldn't possibly hear you just like you couldn't possibly be hated.

...You are given some sort of recognition at a company dinner or conferance, everyone applauds and then you applaud yourself. My nephew does this, he throws a ball threw a hoop and then claps for himself saying hey look at what a good job I did. There are however two differences between him and you, my nephew is 15 months old and he is not hated by me.

...You tell someone that's with a new girlfriend or girl their dating and say, yeah she's cute....for you. Oh so now suddenly you are an adonis and can start judging everyone elses tastes? I get it. One disclaimer of course is that this would never be said to me or any girlfriend of mine, but having witnessed said conversation, I am quite comfortable in knowing that I hate you.

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