Friday, February 24, 2006

The Hating Diaries

...You are in a fairly crowded public restroom, finish washing your hands then proceed to get a paper towel, stand in front of the paper towel dispenser for the entire time you dry your hands thereby not allowing the line of 5 people to get to the paper towels. Please take your time, my hands will air dry, I have all the time in the world, all the time in the world to hate you.

...You call my house and ask who is this? Oh who is this? well you called me numbnuts why you don't you tell me who you are. And for the record, you address me as sir, Sir Hates you.

...You are walking towards me in a hallway or on the sidewalk, there is 4 feet of open space on either side of me, yet somehow you manage to bump into me. Walk much? Try staying out of my way, I somehow can walk between 30 people sprall horizontally across the sidwalk without touching one person, why? Because if I didn't I'd have to hate myself.

...You design a heating system for an apartment building and create only two levels, Sahara Desert and off. Can someone please for the love of god explain to me why in the winter people turn the heat up to 95, but then in the summer when it's 80 degrees they turn the air conditioner on? This is a riddle for the ages, I can't solve it, but I do hate it.

...You are at the gym, wait in 20 minute line to use a treadmill, then once you get to the treadmill and only then, do you decide it's time to stretch for 10 minutes. So that whole standing in time, that was what? Your first warmup? Of course you don't even need to stretch because you get on that thing walk for ten minutes then leave. I actually run 7 miles, and I don't even stretch, I hate.

...You are at the gym and make grunting noises while working out. You can either be on the treadmill or lifting, I know you just want people to look at you, I get it, but seriously, you don't want people looking at you, you only want people hating you.

...You are fat and drink protein shakes. Protein shakes are for skinny people that are trying to gain weight, muscle weight. You are fat, you have a lot of weight, fat weight. Try using that up before you even begin to lift, and another lesson for you, the only way to lose that fat is stop eating. You are not "jacked" if you are fat and have 30 inch arms you are only hated.

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