Thursday, February 16, 2006

A Million Little Hates

...You are talking about how Jesus changed your life and say "he touched me deeply". Do you listen to yourself? You're talking about religion right? If you were a 12 year old boy, I'd understand, but you're not, you're hated.

...You pretentiously think that having an intelligent conversation involves talking about the art at MOMA or some other museum. Yeah I get it, but you don't. I spent my childhood being dragged from museum to museum to the freedom trail, spent days camped out in the Louvre, seen the tut thing like 15 times, etc etc etc. I'm sick of it, I can go the rest of my life without ever seeing this crap again, but I definately cannot go the rest of my life without ever hating you again.

...You say you are not going to abide by a law against spying because its from 1970's. So by that logic any law from 1978 and earlier is no longer valid, I'm pretty sure the law against using drugs was passed prior to 1978, so potheads go ahead and smoke your brains, it's now legal, Murderers, I guess you're free as well, Theft? Sure. I know what he's doing here, this is all a big scheme to outlaw abortion, 1973, sorry ladies, you can kill people, but not a couple of cells. I'm just glad there's no law against hating you.

...You are a skeleton with skin and are on the eliptical for over an hour at the gym. You are so hideously frightening and me having to stare at you while running is even worse. Looking at your protruding radius and ulna, that scapula sticking out of your neck, I just threw up in my mouth and then all over the treadmill and then I hated you.

...You come into my office (or cube when I was in the praire days) and see that I’m not there, then proceed to place something face down on my chair and push the chair all the way in under my desk. When you try to take off for a Friday afternoon to go get drunk, I don’t do everything in my power to get you caught out do I? No of course not, my chair is pushed out for a reason, papers are scattered on my desk for a reason, my coat is still there for a reason, someone comes to move the mouse to turn off the screen saver for a reason and I hate you for a reason.

…You post a comment on my blog and leave a caveat stating, “I might get hated for saying this, but…” Is this supposed to exonerate you in some way? It’s a free blog, you can comment however you like, but I of course do hold the final say and will delete your comment if it’s too stupid, if you are commenting, making a complaint in some way, just know that I don’t need blog you individually, but you are indeed hated.

...You installed movement sensor lights in my office. Apparently I must be a ghost, I'm dancing in front of the sensor and the lights still won't go on, I'm sitting at my computer hating and suddenly the lights go off and I'm sitting in the dark. People from the other side of the floor look into my office and see me waving my arms like I'm going down with the ship and all I can do is hate.

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