Monday, February 20, 2006

Too Shy Shy, Hate Hate, Eye to Eye

...You are walking in front of someone on the right hand side of the sidewalk, sensing that someone is about to walk past you on the left, you decide to then drift to the left thereby blocking the person from passing. When said passer then changes direction to pass on the righthand side, you then drift back to your original position thereby becoming hated.

...You are driving in front of someone on the right hand side of the highway, sensing that someone is about to drive past you on the left, you decide to then drift to the left thereby blocking the person from passing. When said passer then changes direction to pass on the righthand side, you then drift back to your original position, thereby becoming hated.

...You work at starbucks, really loving your job, you shout out everyone's orders at the top of your lungs repeatedly until someone finally takes it to shut you up. Tall skim mocha latte, tall skim mocha latte, tall skim mocha latte, tall skim mocha latte. Dude give someone a chance to actually say it's theirs, save your breath so I can save my hate.

...You don't understand that when someone orders a coffe for say, $2.63 and gives you three bucks, then walks away, that the extra is the tip. Please do not come from behind the counter to chase someone down to give them their 37 cents only to tell them that WAS your tip, now you get hate.

...You sit down next to me on the bench in the locker room while I'm tying my sneakers, leaving less than an inch between us when there is clearly a good 7 feet of open bench. As if sitting that close to me wasn't bad enough, did you have to be naked? And when I was leaning down to tie my other sneaker, why would you then stand facing me so that your twig was inches from my face. I am so scarred from such an experience that I don't think I can return to my gym, but I can Hate.

...You make a right hand turn on red in Manhattan. I'm not going to excuse you because you are driving a Land Rover....in a city. I'm not going to excuse you because you are from some suburb in Westchester. It's a city dude, you never, ever, ever, ever turn on red in a city. And by City, I mean NYC, because that's where I live and that's where I hate.

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