Thursday, March 02, 2006

Don't hate so close to me

...You are a cop and feel you disobey all laws. I realize you are a meathead and have no other employable talent than being a bouncer, but this does not make you above the law, you are not working behind the velvet ropes anymore, you can't use your siren to get through traffic and you can't avoid my hate.

...You begin a one on one conversation during a meeting that clearly wastes everyone's time but your own. Worse yet you start a personal conversation in a meeting wasting even your own time and wasting my hate on you.

...You are providng some kind of service to me and feel the need to "connect" by making small talk. Oh how are your kids, how was your weekend, yeah I that sounds great. I don't care about you and you don't care about me, please just cut to the chase here so I can get back to hating you.

…You include your email address in your email signature. Oh thank god you gave me your email address because the fact that you sent me an email never would have told me how to email you. Are people you speak to that slow that they can’t figure this out? How do they even turn their computer on? How do they avoid being hated by me?

…You get ashes on ash Wednesday and leave them on all day. First of all, why does it have to be on your forhead? You don’t need to walk around all day telling people, hey look at me, I’m christian, I went to church today to get ashes and I’m going to give something up for a whole 40 days, wow, that’s tough. Is 40 days really that long of a time for anything? Wasn’t there a movie about a dude trying to give up sex for 40 days? I wish I had so many girls throwing themselves at me that I had to challenge myself to go the 40 days. I wish I knew more normal people so that I wouldn’t have to hate them.

…You have a prison pussy and think you are somehow going to weasle your way into my business trip to Tokyo. No, I don’t need you to come along, I’ll be fine I don’t need you ruining my chances with the local talent. Prison pussies are so 70’s anyway, I would call yours a landing strip. Be thankful you don’t have the au naturale, tame that thing will you, actually go Brazilian so I don’t have to hate you.


Doofi said...

A preemptive comment: prison pussy is any kind of facial hair on a man, i.e. a goetee, moustache, soul patch (that's bad enough on its own), etc. etc.

Anonymous said...

I thought I could hate you for being a misogynist, dang

doc said...

The ash wednesday comment is very much appreciated. I can't stand that.