Monday, March 13, 2006

The flavor of Hate

...You refuse to serve salsa and chips to me at a restaurant and tell me they are only served at the bar. I get it, all the little hipster doofi in the hood get a table and order chips and salsa all night. I may be skinny, but I'm not THAT skinny, my bones don't show and that means give me the damn chips and salsa, I will actually order a meal too, here hold my credit card, my entire wallet if you want, all I want is to not hate you.

...You have a table open for 4 and I'm 2 and you tell me there are no tables available. No tables except that one with four chairs. I'm going to stand here and wait for a table for two to open up while that one table for four remains empty as soon as the two person table opens, I'm going to leave and then hate you.

...You write your resume as your email signature. Wow how impressive that you actually went to school, now you have to brag to everyone that you did? I don't care if you are a BA or MBA or CPA or an Esquire or a tool all I care about is that you are hated.

...You put a lemon in my water or soda without me asking for it. At point did it become more normal to put a lemon in soda or in water than to have it plain? I might, expect this at a nicer dining establishment, but if I'm in some dingy pub getting a turkey club, I expect to be lucky to even get ice in my water instead of little bits of lemon pulp that make the water nasty and make you hated.

...You leave disgusting leftovers in the office fridge. Are you really going to eat that 4 day old half of hamburger at some point? It's scary, that's not a blue cheese burger, that mold and that stink doesn't make it gourmet, it only makes you hated.

...You think cheese that smells like feet is "exquisite". I'm sorry but anything that smells like feet can never ever taste good. Isn't smell like 80% of taste? Does this mean you have a foot fetish or does this simply mean that you have a hate fetish?

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