Monday, March 06, 2006

I'd Like to Hate the Academy

...You see something funny on TV , you laugh, and then keep a half ass smile/laugh going in anticipation of something else that might be funny. You are a dope. You stand there with your mouth gaping wide, oh ha ha ha ha Monica really showed Joey that time, I can't wait to see what she does next, well I know, and I hate.

...You are a cute girl walking about 7 feet in front of me and no matter how fast I walk you somehow manage to maintain the 7 foot difference. Um, you're cute, could you please slow down so I can then walk next to you, look over, see that you are listening to your ipod and then have you give me an "I'm freaked out by this creepy dude" look, so then I can hate you.

...You are in the gym locker room and for some reason need to sit when you change. Don't change clothes much do you? That whole standing while taking off your pants is just too complicated, for some reason I'm thinking that if you can't stand and change at the same time, then you have no business being in a gym trying to workout. There is no need for your underwear or bare ass to hit that bench in the locker room, and there is no need for you to be hated.

...You are a fairly chubby girl that gets dumped by her boyfriend, goes out and loses 20 pounds, gets a new boyfriend and then gains 25 right back. I see your little trickery games here, face it, you're chubby, there are plenty of chubby chasers out there, find one of them and stop trying to fool other people into not hating you.

...You have a little piece of chapped lip hanging from your mouth and don't wipe it off. You are repugnant. Chapstick costs about a dollar, go to the drugstore get yourself some, but first go to the bathroom and look in a mirror, get a tissue and get hated.

...You approach a crosswalk, it's a do not cross sign, but you have to walk out into the street to act like a tough guy. You are most certainly showing off aren't you, so cool you don't pay attention to signs, you like to live life on the edge. Without fail a car comes and then you have to hang your head in hate as you walk back to the sidewalk.

...You drop an F bomb in your oscar acceptance speech. I'm totally in favor of making fun of any kind of institution or anything highly regarded, but an F bomb? Try to mock the self indulgence with something intelligent, not that I could do better, but I can hate.

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