Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Might as well face it, you're addicted to hate

…You have the same name for your first name and last name. Yeah I realize it’s your parents that were completely moronic, but you are dumb yourself. When you have the same first and last name, you automatically are annoying, but when you are old enough and still don’t change it, you are automatically hated.

…You leave me a message on my voicemail after we’ve been trying to speak saying “we’re playing a little phone tag”. You come up with that one on your own? Now that’s talent. Do you normally narate your actions, I’m going to get coffee now, oh look there’s a line, and here’s a door, I’m walking through it and getting hated.

…You say “oh do you still need that” when I asked you for it 3 weeks ago and then followed up again today. No, I don’t need it, I just thought I’d ask you for it, have you not do it, then let 3 weeks go by, ask you for it again even though I now have no use for it. Is this your plan? Just ignore me as long as you can so eventually I’ll just say oh well now it’s too late so you don’t have to do it, god forbid you actually do work without having me have to hate you.

…You provide me with some kind of market report that I requested and feel the need to include in the report what I requested. I know what I wanted, I don’t need you to tell me that again. This isn’t 6th grade where you have to include the question in the answer like nuns used to yell at me for doing. Yes Sister, the devil made me just answer the question instead of restating the question in the answer thereby wasting hours of my life reiterating what you just said. Yes Sister, it’s been 20 years and I still hate you.

…You are a bartender and think everyone is supposed to kiss your ass to get a drink. I’m sorry but I think you’ve missed the entire concept of service. When did bartenders become exempt from trying to please everyone and then to top it off, I have to tip you after begging you to spend my money. This is yet another power trip situation, oh please mr. bartender, please make me a drink, there are all of us and only one of you so please please make me that drink, oh yes of course serve all the women first because that’s the last one they are actually buying you dumb stupid person, you are trying to run a business, think about it, who spends the money? Yes douchebags like me that hate you.

...You air TV commercials showing some lady that is dying of lung cancer or something else caused by smoking. We get it, smoking is bad for you, the skull and crossbone warning labels should be just fine, but no, now someone decides to tell the "truth", how about the truth about secondhand smoke, how it's not actually proven to cause cancer? How about the truth that I'm watching TV to escape that miserable place called reality? How about the truth that I hate you?

...You leave me at a table in a bar with the uninteresting, unattractive girl. One minute I'm sitting there talking to two attractive Aussie's, the next minute I'm sitting with the sisty ugler with nothing to say. What happened here? My world just crashed and suddenly I'm pounding my drink so I can have an excuse to get up and stop hating you.

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