Friday, March 17, 2006

One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Hate

…You go out for st. patrick’s day at 7 in the morning because the so called “holiday” is an excuse to be drunk all day long. Stop kidding yourself, you are an alcoholic, the sooner you can admit that, the sooner you can get on with your drinking, your 4 PM vomit, your 8PM vomit, 12AM vomit and your 12:01 Hate.

…You meet someone new, ask where they are from, then proceed to list every person you ever heard of that may have lived in that town asking if they know them. Oh yes of course I know that one person because in a town of 50k people, I’m guarenteed to know exactly who you are talking about. Or just because I went to the same college as someone, a college with about 20k people, doesn’t mean I know your friend. I knew the same 200 or so people that were at bars every single night of the week, that’s it. I have no clue where the other 19,800 people went, but it wasn’t near me, maybe they actually studied or maybe they just got hated.

…You go out for a group meal/drinking function and you are the person that orders a salad, an appetizer, surf and turf, a dessert and twice as many drinks as everyone else, then when the bill comes you want it split equally between everyone. Let me get this straight you are consuming about $175 worth of crap, all I’m getting is a 10 dollar salad, yet somehow my portion of the bill becomes $90. I’m basically subsidizing your obesity and all you are subsidizing is my hate.

…you have the same first name as your last name. Example philip philips, tommy tompson, John Johnson, Nick Nicholas. These are real names people, actual parents sat there when their child was born and thought to themselves, well my last name is stevens, so I will call my son stephen stevens. What is the thought process that goes on here? How is there complete disregard for this poor kid’s life, the rest of his life, he’ll have to explain that his parents were morons and hated by me.

…You have a TV show/movie where the wife is going into labor, the husband frantically runs into the hospital saying, we’re having a baby, the nurses in turn look at the husband in confusion asking who, and where’s your wife, etc, then the woman in labor calmly walks into the hospital carrying her overnight bag that she packed 7 months ago. What a great idea, let’s make this episode about an idiot guy that has no idea what to do when his wife is about to deliver, oh the possibilities there are endless, think of the hilarity, and think of the hate.

…You tell me a doctor can see me in two weeks when I call you saying I’m sick. Uh yeah I can’t hear out of my ear, probably should see someone right now don’t you think? Isn’t that the whole point of a doctor to see people when they are sick? I don’t understand this, I need two seconds, you look in my ear, you clean it out and give me some pills so I can get on my way to hating you.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Funny I was just saying the exact same thing when a got a client name andrew anderson