Thursday, March 23, 2006

When life gives you lemons, make Hate

...You are playing some kind of sporting event in a bar, you have the music off and TV volume turned to decibals beyond a THX theater. It's a stupid basketball game and just another excuse for fat men to sit around getting drunk watching other people exercise instead of exercising the themselves. You get the point here? Turn the volume off or at least down because right now, I hate you.

...You suddenly like Irish jig music on St. Patrick's Day. Any other day of the year you could give two shits, but now all of a sudden you love some annoying fiddler just because you've been drinking since 7AM and just because you've been getting hated since 7:01AM.

...You have an Ex boyfriend that you like to contact once every 6 weeks or so to tell him how great your life is going and the ask how things are with him and then when he says good, you say that good can only mean that it's anything but good. Do I need to explain this in detail or does this seem absurd enough on its own to be hated?

...You say something along the lines of "what is a traditional family today anyway" because you are either a single mother, a lesbian/gay couple or some other strange mix. We get it, it's 1950 any more, thank god, but when someone says traditional family, they mean mother, father children, not mother, father, secret sex slave locked in the basement or mother, mother, mother, child or father, father, hate and you.

...You see that I'm sick at work and then make one of two comments, "out late last night?" or "Don't go getting me sick now". Response1 : Yes staying out late the night before usually results in a constant fountain of snot running out of my nose. Have you ever even been out late? How about at all? Response 2: As I'm blowing my nose for 87th time today, after hacking up half my lungs, yes the first thing that conerns me is, oh boy I hope I don't get anyone sick, gee whiz that would be just awful. Yeah in case you have realized I care about only two things in this world, myself and my hate.

...You go to work when you are sick. Look at yourself, snot running out of your nose like a fountain, you should be in bed. I mean think of other people for once in your life will you? There's an entire office of healthy people here trying to stay away from you so they don't catch your filthy disease and have to hate you.

...You are utterly confused by my contradiction in hate. You see, someone had to get me sick, so it is my duty as an American to then spread that to as many people as possible, much like it is my duty as an American to spread my hate.

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