Monday, April 24, 2006

All the world 's a stage, and all the men and women merely haters

…You are wearing your headphones, refuse to take them off to speak to people, then shout because you can’t hear yourself. Is it too much to ask that you take the headphone out of your ear? Perhaps you do not understand that that even though you can’t hear yourself, the rest of the room can hear you at volumes that would have dogs running for the hills, you take off those headphones when I’m hating you.

…You are a bar and have a shot called “ass juice”. I only wish I had made this up first, I mean what a fantastic name for a shot, a shot that is a rather watery brown and contains undisclosed liquours. Hmmm, maybe this really is ass juice and maybe this really is hate.

…You are a professor in college, you write your own book for your class and then put out a new edition every single year forcing everyone to buy your new book, making you rich. Under normal circumstances, I would have foregone the book, yet you being the complete asshole you are, based about a third of your questions on graphs and captions contained only in the book and never discussed them in class. You were truly a model professor, a monument to my hate.

…You for some reason think I am still in college even though I haven’t been in school for almost 7 years. Yeah I don’t take as much leftovers as I possibly can from my parents, I don’t bring home laundry, I don’t live on pizza, maybe you haven’t heard, but I’m all growsed up mikey, if I were pushing 30 and still living like that, I just might have to hate myself, instead of hating you.

…You are about to open a new lounge and when it comes to decide on a name you simply look around your apartment looking for things to name it. It’s nice to see that we’ve moved from clubs names after precipitation, but now we are onto a whole new theme, there’s home, apt, bed, duvet, cellar, upstairs, living room, Guest house, Glass, Back Fence, Lobby, Garage, Traffic what’s going on here? I prefer the address named dive bars myself, the 2A, 7B, 7A, 10B, 1&1, 11A…there’s no line, there’s no dress code and there’s no hate.

…You go by the name BJ. You are a glutton for abuse aren’t you? I’m sure as a child and teenager you are made fun of constantly, yet you were stubborn enough to carry on the tradition of being named for a sex act. Now you’re all growsed up, you can make the conscious effort to go by your full name because there are countless immature a holes like myself who feel the need to snicker everytime you say your name and everytime you are hated by me.

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