Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Beware of the Ides of Hate

…You tell people that you are “the decider”. You must be what, 12? Oh no, you are the president? Hmmm, go figure. Well kind of things have you decided? A war? Ok. Tax cuts for the rich? Ok thank you. Destroy the environment? Yeah who needs the planet. Getting hated? Not a problem.

…You invented a color coded terrorist warning system. That went well, oh wait, there was absolutely no point in that system other than to scare people when bad news came out or right before an election. When was the last imminent threat warning you heard? I think it was right before the 04 election. Now you are blowing things so badly there’s no time for warnings, there’s only time for hate.

…You abbreviate million with ‘mm’. Example, that is $2mm. Let’s spell this out long form shall we? M-i-l-l-i-o-n. There is ONE m in this word, I repeat ONE. If you are spanish, then you may write the mm, but if you are American, you speak english, and you are hated.

…You advertize a sleeping pill and say the side affect may be drowsiness. I’m extremely confused here, the pill is supposed to make you sleep right? So the drowsiness is what then? A side effect or is it really a side of hate?

…You tuck a napkin into your shirt when you are eating. Sir, would you like a highchair with that? I mean if you are going to wear a bib, there is no way we can have an intelligent conversation, I just feel the instinct to make an airplane with your food. Done eating? Did you make poopies? Uh oh, time to change your diaper and time to fucking hate you.

…You are 16, work as a check out girl and call people much older than you, honey or sugar. These endearments reserved only for 50+ Southern women that work in dining establishments, so I must be missing something here, you are at most 16 and you just called 70 yr old woman honey, then you called me sugar, then I called you hated.

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