Friday, April 21, 2006

My Own Private Hate

…You throw something in the trash, it misses and you don’t pick it up. You fucking slob. Do you do this at home? If I go to your apartment will I find garbage and shit strewn across your floor? No of course I won’t because that is where you live and you have a slight bit of respect for your own private quarters. Well this is an office, have some slight bit of respect for where you work and the people that work here and the people that clean up after you and the people that hate you.

…You have a manny. In no sane world does a man going into childcare of three young boys without having some kind of deviant intention. I’m not exactly sure who to hate more, the asexual manny or the idiot parents you hire him. I realize it is completely sexist of me to say that a man cannot be a nanny, also let’s be clear, this is a Manny, not a nanny. Let’s also be clear, this is a hate.

…You leave a voicemail message giving a more detailed description of your presence than any stalker girl I’ve ever known. So I am at work right now, but I’ll be going to lunch at 12:30, but it’s a quick lunch because I have to be back for a meeting which will last about 45 minutes, during the meeting I won’t be reachable, but you can call and leave a message with my assistant, then from 3 until 5:30 I should be at my desk, unless I am in the restroom in which case, call back in like 5 minutes, unless I’m pooping, then give me 10 and then give me hate.

…You drop a paper towel in the bathroom sink and leave it there. Is it too much to ask for you to stick your precious little hand into the sink to remove the towel YOU dropped? Are you somehow too good for that? Now it is covering the drain and it resembles a bird bath rather than a place to clean my hands after I hate you.

…You talk on your cell phone in a bathroom stall. Is there not somewhere more private or secluded that you can go about your private phone calls? Think of the person on the end that every few seconds they hear a grunt followed by a plop and splash. Have some manners, have some dignity and have some hate.

…You call me, I say hello, you remain silent, I say hello, you still remain silent, I shout hello, then and only then do you speak. You typically do this on a wrong number, you realize you have the wrong number, you stall because you’re not exactly quick, you don’t like to make decisions because that might require an IQ beyond 90 which you obviously don’t possess. Now instead of me politely informing you that you have the wrong number, I have to rudely inform you that I hate you.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I usually don't comment but I have to say....This is good stuff. I always pull up the site daily to check for more hate. Keep it up! Thanks...

Anonymous said...

Cool guestbook, interesting information... Keep it UP
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