Friday, April 28, 2006

Our Hate, is a very very very fine hate

...You ask me for directions, are going the same direction as me, and now cause me to be your temporary tour guide. Yes three blocks that way, the same way I'm going, but you don't have to walk next me or five feet behind me schmegal. When you get to where you going, I don't need the nod of approval, as if I was tricking you, I wouldn't do that, I'd only hate you.

...You are a midget and sneak under the subway turnstile instead of paying. So there is one advantage to being that short, but why should you get to save on subway rides? I guess we have to pay the I'm to tall to go under the turnstile premium, which apparently is better than paying the hated by me premium.

...You are telling me a god awful story, I realize this and start to walk away, then you not understanding this common body language proceed to follow me until you utter every last word of your pointlessness. Lady, I can't believe you followed me into the bathroom to tell me about your cat's hairball, now I'm forced to follow you telling you how much I hate you.

...You are so insecure that you have to tell me how much value you added at a meeting. Let's not fool anyone here, your babble actually caused everyone to hate you, including me.

...You are making a point about how well a suit jacket fits me by continuously touching my ass and showing me how the jacket is the right length. Touch me one more time, I dare you, go ahead try it and I'll hate you.

...You refill my water glass after every single sip I take. Can I please try to at least drink half the glass? I'm trying to have a conversation with people here, but then I have to have you constantly coming over filling up my glass with water, spilling ice all over the table and getting hated.

...You are wearing a cut off sweatshirt at the gym. You know the collar/hood cut off, the sleeves cut off mid bicep. Yeah you were pretty cool in 1987, but that was 20 years ago, sure there's an 80's revival going on, but there are limits, fortunately for you there are no limits to my hate.

4 comments:

Nikky Egland said...

LOL You are the funniest guy I have ever frickin read on here!

Anonymous said...

There is nothing wrong with stalking your prey. I enjoy getting ahead, then slowing down so they walk into you. You can make people believe they want to help you.

Hey, you walked into me right?

Doofi said...

excellant tactic, tourists beware!

Doofi said...

Thanks Nikky, glad you're still taking the time to read my babble