Monday, June 05, 2006

In Cold Hate

...You play promos in movie theaters set to porno music. That is of course from what I hear, I would never know what porno music really sounds like. This must be an insider joke of some kind. Get yourself a snack; set to porn, don't talk; set to porn, turn off your cell phone; set to porn, hating you; set to porn.

...You are my neighbors who go away every weekend during the summer leaving your 18 yr old son to have parties every single friday night. I don't know what's worse, the fact that the door slams shut no less than 7000 times or that I wasn't invited. I look like a teen ager, invite me, wait a minute, I'm like 30 and I'm like hated.

...You are my aunt that wanted your set daughter to take me to her senior prom. There are so many things wrong with this on so many levels. Let's start shall we? I'll be 29 in a month, she's 17 or 18. You are my aunt, she is your step daughter, that's as good as blood relation in my book. I am not that much of a loser to need to go to the prom with a relative, again being almost 30. Just because you'll let me use your beach house whenever I want, doesn't mean I can't hate you.
...You give me a blackberry for work. So I'm officially an obnoxious yuppie, but I promise to never, ever, ever email anyone while in the bathroom. It's been a week and already I woke up at 3 in the morning to piss and checked my email. WHY? It's a stupid job and a stupid hate.

...You had no idea what I meant when I said I couldn't go out on Wednesday because I had to stay home and watch the Hills. First of all, it's on MTV, second of all, it's a follow up series to Laguna Beach, third of all, it's perfectly normal for me to watch it without getting hated. Says me.

...You don't listen to me when ordering take out and I say, my buzzer is broken, call me. I hear you trying to buzz me, but I told you it didn't work. I refuse to come down to get you because I warned you. I guess I'm the loser in the case, it's my food getting cold, but it's still you getting hated.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Why...isn't your life a porno? Imagine if elevator music was more'd be like a NY subway.