Sunday, June 11, 2006

You're doing a heckuva Hate Brownie

...You are the MTA union, are offered a contract, refuse to sign it, then three months after it's been pulled, you then say you want to sign it. You just don't get it do you? You're offered a job, you don't like it, so you wait for 3 months or so, nothing better comes along so you say you know what I'll take that job offer I got a while back. Hey dumbass, the world doesn't work that way, people don't wait for you, they just hate you.

...You fire my entire department at work, you've fired the people there before them, then you give me the same project they all were given to do and are at some point going to fire me. I don't understand your stupidity, honestly. You want this thing done or not? It's been dragging on for 3 years and you've fired about 10 people over it, why in the world would you give it to me? Why in the world would you want me to hate you?

...You are a bouncer and feel the need to brag about how much you get laid. Dude, you're not get laid that much if at all. What's with trying to impress me anyway? If you were really getting laid that much, you would have a little swarm of ladies hanging around you instead of a swarm of hate.

...You put these pointless "the way I see it" quotes on starbucks coffee cups. These annoying people are just the latest examples of people that don't understand that things change. The way I see it, the world would be a much better place if people did just one thing that we all used to do that inspired greatness: HATING YOU.

...You are old lady in a moo moo. At what point do women turn into old lady in a moo moo? Nothing scares me more about getting married than winding up with an old lady in a moo moo. Where does this transition take place? Why do you have a man's haircut? What are the tell tale signs of a 25 yr old girl that someday she will be hated by me?

...You are the news and won't shut the fuck up about hurricanes. Yes we get it, there are hurricanes. But you know what? They've been happening forever, it's nothing new, I don't want to hear about a tropical storm that's forming off the coast of Africa, when it's imminent, and it's life threatening, then you can tell me and then I can hate you.

...You are a weatherman. If anything screams pointless existence, it's you. Any person on this planet can go outside and tell you the weather. This is not a talent. You have zero ability to tell me the weather more than a day in advance. All week you said it was going to rain this weekend, what's it doing outside? Oh right, sunny and perfect, good thing I didn't rely on my hate for you to make plans.


JLB said...

Doofi, My love, how have you been?!?

Doofi said...

jlb, long time no hate!