Wednesday, July 12, 2006

My hate wants to potty all the time

…You make the bathroom floor out of a dark tile that shines better than a mirror. Is there a reason I can see the person in the stall next to me? Not only to have to hear this guy splattering, but now I have to watch it? Are you kidding me, I don’t think you wiped man, but I think I hated.

…You choose to use the Gary Coleman urinal rather than the normal sized ones. Why do I hate this you ask? Well allow me to explain, you see normal sized people go to the GC, being of normal height, they are well above the area where the pee goes, causing one to have to aim and herein lies the problem: aim. You have none, forming pools of urine all over the floor and even on top of the urinal, it is for that, that I hate you.

…You manage to get the entire sink countertop soaking wet in bathroom. There is a sink for a reason buddy, every time I go to wash my hands I have to lean over a little to reach the sink, my tie then touches your pool of dirty water thereby ruining my tie and causing my hate.

…You insist on breaking the awkward silence in the bathroom with a loud voracious fart, feeling absolutely no shame whatsoever. Can they play music in the bathroom? I don’t want to hear the guy in agonizing pain trying to take a shit with hemorrhoids, or the guy with an enlarged prostate grunting every time a drop of pee comes out or the guy washing his hands hating you.

…You throw paper towels into the urinal. Are you trying to make me vomit when I piss? Those must be quicker picker uppers because they are florescent yellow and smell like cat litter. The garbage is for used paper towels, the urinal is for pee and the blog is for my hate.

…You flush the urinal, then piss, never to flush again. You seem to have missed that day of potty training, you see, pee first, flush later. It’s common sense really. I’m kind nervous that you may be peeing first, then unzipping your pants. Do you flush then take a crap? Do you get hated then go to the bathroom?

…You feel the need to protect your gas station restroom by locking it and attaching the key to 30 pound hub cap. What are you protecting in there? Is that where you have your secret stash of lucky charms? The room is covering in graffiti, smells like vomit, the once white toilet is now a solid brownish color, there’s no door on the stall, the sink only has cold water that can’t be shut off, yet only flows at a trickle, but somehow the entire room is wet and hated just like you.


Anonymous said...

that is some funny shit!

Anonymous said...

your a nigger