Sunday, July 23, 2006

Plenty of Hate at the Hotel California

...You are American Airlines and tell me when I show up 40 minutes before a flight that there is no way I can check in and get to my flight in time. So domestic flights you need to show up 4 hours early now? You didn't even try, you pre-determined that I was not to be on that plane, even though I found the self check in, went through security and was sitting on the plane hating you only 10 minutes later.

...You are at a bar and when someone is being polite, yours truly, and says, I'm going to the bar anyone need a drink, well there's you and your 7 new friends all waiting to get in with the apparant "open bar" of me for a free drink and an expensive hate.

...You are American AirLINES. Never has a company taken it's name so seriously, I spent the morning waiting in lines at the airport for over 2 hours. How can you operate a company like this? You're objective is to piss off every customer by making them wait in six flags size lines where all they can do is hate you.

...You are American Airlines and took an hour and half to get the luggage from a plane to the baggage claim, then dropped the bags off 1 per 10 minutes. All I could do was stand there with Tina Fey and give the WTF, she was pissed, I was pissed and you were hated.

...You are American Airlines and tried serving what I think was tap water on a flight. Listen, I know fuel is a bit pricey right now, but give me some forewarning that you will be serving shit water, and I mean literally shit in the water or so it smelled and so I hated.

...You are the poop fairy that somehow gets into my room every night that I go out drinking and takes a giant poop in my mouth. Could there be a worse taste one can have after a night of drinking? The only thing worse is literally poop, but somehow I'm starting to think that's not so bad compared to the morning after hated poopy mouth.

...You show an in flight movie called "The Blue Butterfly" on a cross country flight. Of all the movies in existence, you select a movie that no one knows, that no one wants to see and is about a young boy dying of some kind of terminal hate. No wonder why you only sold one headset for the entire flight and no wonder why you are hated.

...You show the very same in flight movie, "The Blue Butterfly" on the return flight home. Who the fuck do you think you are to try and make me sit on a cramped plane for 5 hours to watch a depressing pile of horseshit, hating you all the while.

...You actually purchased the headset to watch a god awful movie on a god awful flight with a god awful airline. Don't you know your own headphones work? Not even that, but you are just perpetuating the continuem of bad movies shown on airplanes. I never understand this, I have never, ever, ever had a good movie playing unless I was in first class or on Jetblue, do you purposely try to torture your customers, just like I purposely try to hate you?

...You are Budget rental and try to tell me that a Crysler Sebring is a comprable replacement for a Ford Mustang. On what fucking planet? Just because they are both convertibles doesn't make them interchangeable, I ordered a Mustang, no go fucking find me one, oh look you somehow were able to find one on the lot when I pointed out that I hate you.

...You live in LA and think it's still the golden era of Poison-esque hair bands. I swear I was in a bar and saw Sebastian Bach 9 times in a span of 6 seconds. I get it, the new wave revival has given way to the 80's metal revival, it's the circle of life, but understand this, it's not 1986, David Lee Roth may still be a hated tool, but so is Sammy and so are you.

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