Sunday, September 03, 2006

An apple a day keeps the hate away

...You create a special at a restaurant in the vain of "neverending", "all you can eat", or "limitless". You know a lot of people need limits to help curb those primal instincts. We no longer have to gorge ourselves when we come across food, there's no fear that you can't eat tomorrow. Try eating a normal portion and I'll hating someone other than you.

...You wear a dry fit shirt to watch tennis. Dude, you're not actually playing the game here, it's about 65 degrees, you ain't sweating, you look ridiculous. You're definately the guy that gears up in spandex to ride a bike even though you are no where near a competition, but you are very near to my hate.

...You see an enormous line, walk all the way to the front to investigate that this is in fact a line and not a random act of 50 people deciding to stand single file right in front of the bathroom. Yes go investigate, then get right behind me in line and get hated.

...You are standing at the end of a line and being the hater that I am, assume you are the last person in line, in which case I stand behind you. You then say to me, oh I'm not in line. WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK why are you standing in line then? What type of person are you? Do you sit on the toilet and not shit? Do you order food and not eat it? Do you do go to the movies and not watch a movie? Do you meet me and not get hated?

...You don't appreciate the made for karaoke videos that play in the background at karaoke bars. In an attempt to meet asian women, scratch that, I mean in an attempt to hone my stage skills, I went to Karaoke and saw the most wonderful enactment of livin a prayer. I mean this video actually showed Tommy working at the docks, and gina...oh gina, she was working the dinner all day and me, oh me, I was hating all night.

...You keep pouring me shots whenever you make them for someone else. Listen woman, you are hot, yes, but stop trying to get me completely and utterly inebriated is this amusing to you? The worst part is that I'm without a doubt going to keep drinking these shots and the fact that it's three days later and I'm still drunk doesn't bother me one bit, but the fact that it's three days later and I still hate you bothers me a lot.

No comments: