Thursday, September 07, 2006

Hate is in the air

...You drive a car that has one working headlight. So tell me Assfuck, are you a motorcycle or a car? You obviously know your headlight is out, get it fixed, it's simple. And don't tell me you can't afford it, if you can spend $80 to fill up that behemoth of an automobile than you can spend a few bucks to fill up on my hate.

...You drive a car that has one headlight on permanent highbeam. How the fuck does this happen and how do you manage to have the headlight angled directly into my eye. It's as though you have switch that you flip that says "aim directly ar driver's face". Well listen here you grundle licker, I have a switch that says "aim hate directly at you".

...You operate under the school of thought that punctuation goes inside the quotes. Here's the rule and I don't care if it's proper or not, although I believe it's the Queen's English, not Americano, don't know how that happened but it did, and here's the rule: When the full sentence is quoted, punctuation goes inside, when you are quoting within the confines of a sentence, quotes go outside. Example. "When I type full sentences of hate, the punctuation goes inside the quotes." or He was reading my email and saw that my punctuation was atrocious and said "I hate you".

...You masturbate on mass transit. I may have hated this before but the topic often comes up as many people have experiences such happenings. It's unbelievable that this happens so often, public transportation is not your personal pleasuredome, especially if I'm on the train. As bad as it is to have your genitalia out for the world to see, but you are not allowed to ask me to move out of the way so you can get a better view of the girl with the big ass. Yes it's nice, but do like the rest of us do, commit that to the bank and then hate.

...You are the hot bartender that I'm borderline stalking. So I hung out at your bar 3 days in a row, I think you're hot and I don't care that you're a lesbian. Note: I know for a fact she's a lesbian and not just feeding some line to get me to leave her alone. Why must you continue to encourage my behavior, pouring me shots all night, challenging me to funnell races, am I 19 again, why am I doing funnells, in a bar, with hot lesbian bartender, with a fist full of money and fist full of hate.

...You are a hot lesbian bartender. I just can't say enough about the hot lesbian bartender, I'm smitten I guess or perhaps I secretly know that this is the ultimate impossibility and want her even more. She's perfect, one, she's a bartender so she flirts with everyone, I'm not that special. Two, she's a lesbian, she's has zero interest in what I have. Three, she probably only dates non white girls, the trifecta for the man afraid of committment. But why are you so hot, why are you so lesbian and why are you so hated.

...You are the guy at work that pees next to me and for whatever reason has to spit into the urinal to pee. So are we on the same pee schedule or something, everytime I'm in here, you're standing at the gary coleman urinal, I walk in to the grown up urinal, then you spit and attempt to pee, then you leave without washing your hands and then I hate while washing my hands.

..You are a guitarist in a video and have a cigarette in the strings of your guitar. You are so cool man, I mean look at you, you smoke AND you play guitar. Well actually, no you aren't even smoking it, you just leave it in the strings as though it were some kind of air freshener rather than some kind of hate.

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