Wednesday, October 25, 2006

How hated are you?

1. On a down escalator you

A. Walk down the stairs to move along as fast as you can to ensure you to hold up people behind you.
B. Walk down until you get behind someone then give up because you for whatever reason can't rudely say the words excuse me to get by the person in front of you.
C. Step onto the escalator and stand as it carries your lazy ass down a flight a stairs.
D. Take the evelator.

2. When entering a subway you

A. Patiently wait to the side of the doors for people to exit the train and upon the last person to get out, you then allow the cute girl to go ahead of you then proceed to enter.
B. Stand in everyone's way while they try to exit the train, waiting nonetheless, but being a complete nuissance to every person in front of you, then enter the train.
C. Stand to the side of the doors then try to sneak in to race to the only open seat because god forbid you should have to stand.
D. Bum rush the people exiting the train then upon entering the train, stand right by the doors not moving for the people exiting and never moving for the people trying enter.

3. When stopped at a red light you

A. Watch the other side for when it turns yellow and are prepared to hit the gas even before the light actually turns green.
B. Wait patiently for the light to turn green then go.
C. Look everywhere except at the light then when the light turns green and your picking your nose, you take your sweet ass time to finally move thereby keeping at least two cars from making the light.
D. Wait through at least half of the green light before you realize that it's green, then drive at less than 5 miles an hour through the light because the entire world operates and waits for your sole existance.

4. When walking on a sidewalk you

A. Stay to the right hand side mindful of people walking the opposite way you ensure that you leae enough room for people to pass.
B. Walk next to your friend creating a mini wall making it difficult for people to pass.
C. Walk three or people across at a slower pace than people moving backwards, then get annoyed when someone bumps into you.
D. Find as many people as possible, walk next to them at the same pace creating a wall of impassable people then when someone is walking in the opposite direction you refuse to move and watch as the other person stops mid stride so that you bump into them and wonder what the hell this crazy person is doing when in reality it is you that is crazy because you don't understand the concept of a sidewalk where people other than you walk.

5. In a bar you

A. Enjoy the time with your friends, understand the subtlety of getting a bartenders attention, chat it up with the occasional CG, tip well and play good music on the juke.
B. Demand the bartenders attention by making some obnoxious cat call and flashing a $100 bill even though your miller lite is only 6 bucks, think the hot girl wants to talk to you and think you can call fives on a bar stool.
C. Wear your sunglasses
D. Ask me for a cigarette, then ask for another one, then demand another, then think whenever I go for a smoke that you get to have one, then say you are going to get ghetto on my ass when I tell you there is a store across the street that has all the cigarettes you can buy.

6. In the men's room you

A. Use the stalls or urinals on the ends first, do what you need to do, don't speak to anyone, wash your hands when done, throw your paper towel in the trash and then exit.
B. Use the urinal next to me and flush before you're finished peeing thereby leaving a little yellow pool in the urinal for the next person to see and smell.
C. Use the stall next to me when all the others are open, groan and grunt while trying to crap out the fast food you ate for lunch and leave a skid mark in the bowl when done.
D. Use the urinal next to someone, make an inappropriate comment such as, hey there big boy, don't fluch, manage to pee on the floor and leave a 5 inch pubic hair on top of the urinal. You then don't flush and quickly exit the men's room without washing your hands.

7. In the gym you

A. Use the equipment in a non excessive manner, always wear a towel in the locker room and
B. You stay on a treadmill beyond the 30 minute limit during peak hours even though there is a sign right in front of you that says 30 minute time limit during peak hours, not to mention you are walking and talking on your cell phone.
C. You wear a tank top going from weight machine to weight machine where the girls are lifting asking if you can work in then brag about your job as a bouncer.
D. You walk around the locker room naked, then proceed to blow dry your hair, naked, then when getting dressed, you put on your shirt, then socks, then shoes, then your tighty whiteys.

8. In the elevator you

A. See that the button to your floor has already been pushed, think to yourself, hmm this person is going to the same floor as me, then wait patiently moving out of people's way as they enter and exit, then allow the other person to leave first when reaching your floor.
B. Enter the elevator, see that the button to your floor has been pushed, then proceed to push the button 6 more times, accidentally hitting the button to three other floors, then think you are hitting the close doors button but are actually hitting the open doors button and don't understand until someone says something.
C. Enter the elevator don't push any buttons, stand right in the front thereby getting in people's way as they try to exit, ask everytime the elevator stops, is this 28? even though the floor number is lit above the door and as the doors open a huge sign that says the floor number is right in front of you.
D. Enter the elevator, see that there is only one other person standing in the back corner then proceed to stand right next to that person, so close that you are actually touching the other person.

9. On an airplane you

A. Sit quietly in your seat, check your bags and use the rest room only when absolutely necessary because you don't want to bother the very nice, handsome young man sitting in the aisle seat.
B. Carry on a 3 piece matching luggage set that could easily be containing the remains of Andre the giant and three of his clones. You then are baffled why they dont' fit and ask the entire plane to sacrifice their "small personal luggage" space so that you can save 10 minutes when you get off the plane.
C. You request a window seat while knowingly have bladder control issues adn then bother the two people between you and the aisle to get up no less than 13 times during a 2 hour flight.
D. You purchase one seat even though you are the size of three seats, then lift the armrest so that your side fat can expand into the next seat where a normal size individual has purchased the appropriate fare and thought he was going to be able to nap on the flight.

10. At work you

A. Do your job, joke around to break up the day, know the appropriate amount of time to spend in someone's office and don't think the day is a competition of who can work the latest.
B. Enter someone's office, see that they're on the phone, then proceed to start a conversation because for whatever reason you think the world will stop when you speak.
C. Treat the boss' ass as though it were a pacifier. Your lips spend so much time attached to his ass that he has to have three pairs of pants in the office because you get them so wet with the saliva from you kissing it.
D. Use the copier, get a paper jam, then walk away because god forbid you should try to fix it, I mean pulling out a piece of paper is just too much effort and there will always be someone else that comes along to fix it.


Bonus Question: While eating you:

A. Order your food, chew with your mouth closed and enjoy your company.
B. Stick your face into other people's food, to inquire as to what they are eating rather than simply asking.
C. Chew with your mouth open so I can hear every chew and witness first hand the biological process of how humans break down a cheeseburger into stomach bile that is then used for energy.
D. Use your fingers rather than silverware and instead of placing food into your mouth with your hands which is bad enough, you swallow your fingers and occasionally your entire hand so that get the food in your mouth and lick your greasy fingers all at the same time.

Scoring:

For every A give yourself a zero
For every B give yourself one
For every C give yourself two
For every D give yourself four

If you scored a perfect zero you are not hated at all and are lucky enough to remain in my presence.

If you scored between a 1 and 10, I hate you on some occassions, but not so much that I can't talk to you. Every now and then you might use a stall that is right next to someone else even though there are plenty of open stalls, but it's more accidental than intentional. When driving you sometimes drive really slow in the fast lane, but that's mainly because you are engaged in an anti republican debate of some kind.

If you scored between an 11 and 20 you pretty much suck. Every now and then you try to redeem yourself, but deep down, you know you are retarded. You stand on down escalators, you eat on subways and if you are a woman, you don't sit when you pee, you squat and spray pee all over the seat without cleaning it up.

If you scored between a 21 and 35 you have little hope of reversing the damage you've caused to yourself and to others. You've scarred people for life by standing next to someone that is sitting while you are naked, leaving your pup to dangle in people's faces. You stand in the doorways of subways and elevators, you actually take the elevator down one flight even though there is a staircase right in front of you. You not only eat on subways, but you lick your fingers after touching the handles, you've even been seen barefoot on the subway. You purposely drive slow in the fast lane because after all you are driving the speed limit and when some flashes you to move over you scream and curse because you can't understand that going 55 in a 55 is too fucking slow.

If you scored between a 35 and a 40, well congratulations because it's debateable that you can funtion in society. You are a close talker, yet have bad breathe, you eat with your hands and think that picking your nose through a tissue actually covers the fact that you are picking your nose. You voted for Bush because you're not into "issues" and you believe Ann Coulter is anything other than the devil reincarnated. When you throw garbage away, it goes everywhere except the trash can, but then you don't bother to pick it up. Not only do you feel free to roam the locker room naked, but you carry it as a badge of honour and actually prefer the open showers to the private stalls. You walk on sidewalks then stop without any warning, then the 7 other people walking next to you horizontally spread across the sidewalk stop, thereby creating a wall of retards that can only be thwarted by huffing at such a loud decibal that you think everyone else is wrong or rude because you are so hated.

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