Thursday, January 04, 2007

I still haven't found what I'm hating for

…You are a cook in the cafeteria, a hot girl comes up and asks you for scrambled eggs, the one that are already made. You being the considerate scumbag that you are say: “no honey, those are old, you might get sick, I’ll make you some fresh eggs.” Me being the next in line ask for scrambled eggs, you serve me the readymade eggs that would get the hot girl sick and would get you hated.

…You are driving in a parking lot and just to be cool, you decide to spin your tires and then skid out. Hey everyone, look at the cool guy in the ’87 Chevy peeling out, wow he really got my attention and really showed me what it means to be cool. If only you would do a donut, huh, oh, there you go, the coolness is complete with that donut and my hate is complete with you.

…You are driving a car whose muffler you have purposely made loud. Let’s take a perfectly good and functional car, then crack the muffler or whatever it is you do, to make it sound like a piece of shit. This way whenever you’re driving or peeling out in a parking lot, people can look at you and realize how hated you are.

…You refer to someone as being “bad” because she ate an entire pint of B & J’s or had two slice of cheesecake or gorged on some other decadent dessert. I’m guessing if you refer to this as bad, then you haven’t really seen much in your life have you? You were the kid afraid to go to the back of the bus, the kid that actually went door to door to sell useless crap for the school fundraisers, the kid that reminded the teacher to give homework, the kid that has grown into someone hated by me.

…You go to reach for one those little stir thingy’s for your coffee and touch every single one them before finally taking one. I greatly appreciate the effort you made to cover your sneeze with your hands, but that act was completely negated when you decided to touch every single stir before deciding on the very first one you touched. It’s as though you thought there was one magic stir, one prized stir that contained the golden ticket when all it contained was my hate.

…You are interviewing someone and ask the interviewee, don’t you have any questions for me? Then when the interviewee asks a question, you take this as your moment to test out your autobiography. Hey man I don’t actually care how you got into this business, are you going to pay me or not? Are you going to give me anxiety like my current boss or not? Are you going to give me chest pains or not? Are you going to be hated or not?

…You are a short order cook but don’t seem to understand the concept. This is how it works, when first customer orders, you start the process of cooking, then second customer orders, you start the process cooking, the third customer orders, you start the process, etc. upon completion you hand out each order. This is what actually happens, you take first customer’s order, you then questions their order as if they ordered wrong, you cook something that is maybe 40% of what was ordered, you stand around and wait, whatever it was that you were making is completed, then you have to correct it, then you hand it over to the first customer, then the second customer orders and then I hate you.

…You ask me if my lunch order is to stay or to go when you take my order, I answer to stay while holding my tray. You ask me again, if my lunch order is to stay or to go, while it is being prepared, I answer to stay, while holding my tray and pointing to it. You ask me for a third time if my lunch order is to stay or to go when my food is ready. If you can’t remember a simple fact that I want my food to stay or even notice the 4 ft. by 4ft. tray I’m carrying then there is no other alternative than to hate you.

…You claim that breakfast is served until 10AM. Knowing that I still have 15 minutes to get breakfast, I casually walk in to get me some delicious breakfast treats. Much to my dismay, you have already begun to remove the breakfast food in preparation for lunch. Ahem! Sir, does your sign not say until 10AM? What does the word until mean to you? To me that means that if at 9:55 in the AM, I want to get some oatmeal, well dammit there better be some oatmeal, not today’s soup special for lunch that won’t cut it. You say 10 and I mean 10 or I mean hate.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I met my old lover on the street last night. She seemed so glad to see me, and I just smiled. And we talked about some old times and we drank ourselves some beers. Still hating after all these years.