Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I remember when; I remember when I lost my hate

...You purposely miss a senate vote on a pointless non binding resolution because you are running for president and are afraid to take a stance. You could be the suckiest sucker that ever sucked. Having a fucking backbone and take a position, but no you won’t, because you don’t have an opinion, you just say whatever people want to hear and the less of a record you have, the more hate for you I have.

...You are in a book store and set up camp to read a book on the floor. I love book stores, places you can go to browse the shelves, make yourself comfortable to read, do some research, oh wait, I have this confused with a library. When did it become acceptable to use a product as long as you are in the store? I’m going to start using toilet paper (scratch that, wet wipes), toothbrushes, razors, sneakers, and every other product I can imagine in the store without paying for it so then when I’m done, I can simply place the partially used product back on the shelf so some idiot can then buy it. Libraries, flea markets and hobo stands on the street are okay for this, bookstores are okay for hating you.

...You are using a discman. Wow, you’re really up on the cutting edge of technology aren’t you, maybe you can get the tape deck car adapter so you can listen to your cd’s in your ride. I have this new band you should check out when your running on that treadmill, they’re called Pearl Jam. Hey are you going to vote for Ross Perot next year? Can you believe Cheers got cancelled? At least there is this new show called Seinfeld, it’s pretty funny. Hey check the date on your swatch watch, have some self respect and have some hate.

...You are waiting to use a dryer in the laundry room, see that my clothes just finished then proceed to empty them into a basket. You know, I’m actually fine with this, but when you are taking my freshly clean clothes out of the dryer, can you at least keep my underwear from falling on the floor? How about when I show up and catch you emptying my clothes and say that’s mine, I’ll take care of it because you are throwing them on the floor, can you at least stop emptying my clothes? Maybe you can take a lesson from the nice person that folded my clothes in the other dryer or maybe I can just hate you.

...You make a comment in response to what someone said about 5 minutes after the person spoke. This is thinking before you speak taken too far. I’m sure if you are playing some kind of internal silence game to see who can not speak the longest, you or you. I really don’t want to think that it took you 5 minutes to answer “yeah” to the even more baffling question of “hot enough for ya”? oh yeah, you think of that yourself or did you hear it 37,000 times before, wonder what the fuck that means then decided to just give in and get hated.

...You call anything “extreme” or “Xtreme”. I’m sorry, but in no way can a snack chip be XTREEEEEMMMMMMEEEE. This is glutenous overuse of a bad slang word. Just because you slap the word extreme on a product, it doesn’t mean you automatically “connect” with a younger generation. You might as well have a car commercial with a group of yuppie late twenty somethings driving a mid size SUV to some sort of outdoor recreational activity with post grunge music playing and a tag line of “you work hard and you play harder”, can you please be more trite? How about this, I barely work, but I strongly hate.

...You meet me and a friend, then proceed to ask her ethnicity, ask if she speaks another language, what she does, where she lives, where she went to college and then look at me and give a half ass smile, then proceed to go about your business. Um, hi, I’m here too, I have an ethnicity, I have a job, I live somewhere, I went to college, I’m a person too goddammit. Ok, I really don’t want to have this conversation with you, I really don’t want you to have this conversation with my lady friend and I really want to hate you.

2 comments:

maven said...

You know what I hate? Guys who stand at the urinal with headphones on. It's wrong on so many levels. You can't take the goddamn headphones off while you take a piss? You're THAT into music?? Fuck. You.

Nate said...

Okay, an mp3 player costs money and requires a computer, which also costs money. Some of us can barely afford college, let alone luxuries like an Ipod. What are us low-life, low-income folk supposed to do? Ride the subway with no music, just because we are on a budget? Maybe the hate should be directed at the one who looks down upon those of a lower economic class.