Wednesday, March 21, 2007

If hating you is wrong, I don't want to be right

...You are harassing me to have lunch with you. The situation has become dire where the hours of 12 to 2 require intense strategic planning so as to avoid your ever present question of asking me to lunch. I don’t know what it is about eating with me that makes the top of your daily annoyance list, but whatever the case may be you insist on dining with yours truly and you insist on being hated by yours truly.

...You talk about your Saturn like it’s a Rolls. I understand that they give you a free coffee down at the Saturn dealership when they change your oil, that’s a huge a perk, I know. But seriously, the little third door doesn’t impress me, nor does the annual convention of Saturn owners. I just want you to come to grips with the fact that you drive a Saturn and I just want you to come to grips with my hate.

...You corner me in the cafeteria to ask me to eat with you. Listen Saturn, just because you are twice my age and I am more senior than you, doesn’t mean I’m going to give you advice on handling the crazy lady in the corner. She’s your age, talk to her about what it was like to grow up in the 50’s or something, ask her where she was when JFK was shot, ask her for the parallels of Vietnam and Iraq, I really don’t care about the betterment of your career, I only care about the betterment of my hate.

...You open my door when eating lunch and say, sorry don’t mean to bother you. Uh, yes you do, that’s exactly what you meant to do. You wanted to come in, stick your nose in my food and inquire as to what I am eating, and why I’m not eating with you. Seriously, ask me one more fucking time and I’m going to officially complain instead of blogging you. You’d think I was a 24 yr old woman with a hot body and not a 30 yr old prick that hates you.

...You pre flush at the urinal in the bathroom. AH HA! I caught you Saturn, I know it’s you, you’re so busted. What’s the F’n deal with flushing the urinal before or during your pee? You are responsible for numerous gagging sessions when I go to take a piss and see a little pool yellow at the bottom of the urinal. You’ve got this process all wrong and that’s disturbing. I’m now wondering if you wipe before you poop and I’m wondering if I hate before I blog you.

...You incessantly ramble on about how things were done at your old job. One time at band camp, one time at band camp, one time at band camp, one time at band camp. Hey Dorothy, you’re not in band camp anymore, now shut the fuck up. This is a new job and no one cares how “they” did things at your last company. You ever think they did things wrong over there at the Saturn factory? You ever think that was a difference business and has absolutely zero relevance to what you do now? Ever think I’d hate you so much?

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