Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I once was lost, but now I hate

...You put pictures of Asians on the front page of a newspaper when showing mourners from the VA Tech shooting. You know, we understand. The shooter was Asian. We get it. Try being a little less trite and try being a little more hated.

...You are American Airlines. You have an entire flight board a plane, leave them boarded, on the runway for 3 hours before a 3 hour flight. You offer no apology, you offer no complimentary spirits, you don't even offer a free snack given that people are now stuck aboard a plane for 6 hours. You are reluctant to book people on new flights after missing connections because of your mechanical error with a plane. You then have me wait 4 hours for my new connecting flight, all the while, offering no compensatory items such as a meal voucher. You caused my 5 hour door to door journey transform to a 14 hour trek. Give me my 9 hours back, give me my sanity back and I'll give you your hate back.

...You are American Airlines. You delayed my return flight by leaving me on the runway for 1.5 hours, then circled for 30 minutes prior to landing, then sat on the runway for 45 minutes AFTER landing. My 8:00 arrival turned into 10:30, and your friendly skies turned into my hated skies.

...You are sitting next to me on an airplane, see that I am reading, then proceed to have a 2 hour discussion with me. You see the book? I'm reading, for me to read, you need to be quiet. I am not going to have a conversation with you about your 2 day delay, boo freaking hoo, I was delayed 20 minutes and that is SO much more important than your 2 days and SO much less important than my hate.

...You get up to go the bathroom the second the pilot turns off the seat belt sign. What the? There is no way that after the 10 minutes since you boarded that you could possibly have to pee already. Even if this were an isolated incident I could understand, but no, every flight on which I have ever flown, you exist. Not only do you get up immediately, you get up every 20 minutes, what are you doing in there? Where are you going? Why are you hated?

...You are American Airlines. Your customer service department consists entirely of a post office box to nowhere. That's it. There is no phone number, no agent at the airport, the ticket agent won't hear your compaints, the pilot won't, no one. I guess when you are the biggest piece of shit airline that I will never fly again, you have to expect that people will want to call ad nauseam with hate.

...You are the one, ever present gay man at every conferance that has to live up to every stereotype of gay men. I swear this is the only thing that gets me through a conferance. You have to enjoy the commentary during a presentation. The commentary can be on anything, the decor of the conference, the attractiveness of the waitstaff or pool boys, the desireability of someone's office location, the outfit of the ugliest person or the hatred of you.

...You interview me for a job in October. The first date is always so promising. You tell me, this is preliminary and you don't have anything but will call me for the next round of interviews when you are ready to move. Well it was a fun date, we'll see if they call again. You call me the last week of December to say, "we are ready to move, are you still interested? Once we interview this will happen very fast." Oh so you ready for a relationship, I'm still available. I interview, it goes great, you tell me how great I am and how interested you are and that you will have an offer for me shortly. Great second date, this could go somewhere. January passes, no word. I follow up to say hey, I get a response, Oh so and so wants to meet for coffee to discuss the specifics with you. Oh why did I call, I look so desparate. February goes by, no word. They could smell the desparation, oh please please call me. March comes, I meet for this "coffee", more feeding of the BS, we love you, we want you, come work for us, we'll have an offer Monday. Finally a follow up date, oh life is good again. Monday passes, I give up, I don't want to work for you anymore. I've been dating other people, yup, you're not the only one, but I do hope they call. A month passes and you give me a call. So I'm now your booty call, when did this happen? You ask if I'm still at my job and if I'm interested. I say of course I'm interested. You're just so irrestible. You say you will have an offer by Friday. Well you guessed it, it is now Wednesday, nothing, nada, hatred. I'm still waiting for you.

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