Friday, May 04, 2007

Welcome Back Hater

...You call a meeting, you invite me, then I have to lead the meeting. This is your meeting buddy, you called me, what do you want? Don’t look at me all deer in the headlights, I don’t have to be here, I could be back in my office trying to reconnect with my fans. Why is it that I’m the only one that showed up to this meeting with something actually written on my notebook? Everyone else is sitting around with nothing to say while I have everything to hate.

...You are Jerry Garcia. Let me explain as I have nothing against the Late Jerry, I’m talking about his reincarnated self that is now the cfo of my company. Actually I don’t think Garcia ever died, I don’t believe it, he went into finance rose to cfo in record time. I mean this guy is even missing the same finger and his previous drug use is quite apparent. I do have to say, Jerry with short hair freaks me out, freaks me out to the point of hate.

...You tell me you get in at 7 so you are free all morning to meet. Ok, you are getting into the office at 7, but are free to meet? Then why the hell are you getting into the office at 7? You might be worse than the people who brag about how late they stay at night, at least they get in after 9. Getting into to work early is not a badge of honor, it is only a symbol of hate.

...You say your job is a mixologist. Let’s get this straight, you’re a bartender. That’s it. You stand behind the bar in a capacity that one might call ‘tending to the bar’. You poor a drink and you collect money. You’re the consultants of bar tending, a fancy name with a do nothing job. I have a fancy name for my job in the wordsmith industry, Chief Creative Hater of YOU.

...You tell your friend that I am ‘actually cute’. Actually? I’ve met you like 5 times, so does this mean up until now, I’ve been some kind of hideous beast? What is with people using this ‘actually’ terminology, do you not realize the connotation associated with that? How about this? I ACTUALLY, hate you.

...You refer to someone you by saying, oh he’s sooooo smart. Really? So smart? Well since you’re a fucking idiot, I guess the whole world is filled with geniuses. I really have too question your judgment when you claim someone is smart. I don’t buy it, but I do hate it.

...You write to me in an email “you rock”. Um yeah I don’t rock actually, I emo, but that’s besides the point. You say this to me as though you are my superior, like I’m little file boy that brought you a file and being that I’m not capable of doing anything more complicated then look up a name and bring something to you, you then have to demean me further by saying I “rock”. You know what? You rock. I mean absolutely rock. AND I mean absolutely hate.

...You continuously refer to yourself as just “a Jew from long island”. So is this supposed to somehow differentiate yourself from the 5 million other Jews from Long Island? Aren’t there ONLY Jews from Long Island? We get it, you’re “diverse” I understand, stop reminding me every time you do something that is stereotypical of a NY Jewish person, its so overdone and it’s so under hated.

...You speak to me your corporate voice, when we’re not at work. What’s even worse is that I don’t work with you, there’s no reason to confuse the inflection used in your voice with me since we never interact while your working. Has work seeped into the very essence of your being that you can no longer speak a normal conversation and only speak a normal hate.

...You interview me for a job, then when it comes time to discuss how much I make, you say wow, you are severely under paid, you must suck at what you do, thanks for playing our game. WTF. What does a man have to do? I can’t help it if I’ve been fucked over 1 too many times, why do you think I’m looking for a new job? Fucking logic here esse. And fucking hate here.

1 comment:

Doc said...

There's just not enough hate in the world anymore.