Thursday, June 07, 2007

A day in the life of hate

...You are any of the cast of characters I have to avoid on a daily basis.

...You are the same lady at the subway, that is trying to shove some free newspaper in my face, everyday and everyday I decline. If I want the damn paper, I’ll ask you for it, in the meantime, I’ll shove my hate in your face.

...You are my morning coffee barista at the bucks. I go to get my morning coffee and everyday it’s the same person that already knows what I want, pours my coffee ahead of time, then asks me what I want. Everytime you try to guess, then ask, I’m going to change the order, if you want to be like you’re down with me, then just make something and don’t ask, then I won’t hate.

...You are anyone on my floor. I reach my floor and in an attempt to get to my office I go left, but then I have to encounter, hey, me, you, Patrick, let’s get lunch, we’ll grab a burger. I go right and I hear, hi greg how are you? Uh fine, do you have anything else to say to me, ever? I spend the next 10 hours of my life trying to avoid these two people, five days a week, but unfortunately they never avoid my hate.

...You are the same retarded cook in the cafeteria that has to take an order, begin cooking the order, wait 5 minutes for everything to be cooked, then take the next order and start the process again. Is it that difficult to take 5 orders of plain omelets at one time? How about a single order of hate?

...You are the guy two offices down from me that stops in every day to ask if I can put in the good word with his boss. Dude, you’re like 50 and you’re asking me to put in the good word for you? Who’s gonna put in the good word for me? oh yeah, let me ruin my credibility by saying the inept tool is so good, he really helps out and adds so much value. How does it feel to have 20 more years of experience than me and be asking for my good word and good hate?

...You are the afternoon barista at the bucks who every day says, hey there stranger then smiles with her chicklet teeth. Well if I see you everyday, we’re not exactly strangers now are we? Let me add you to the list of people to avoid and let me add you to the list of people to hate.

...You are my boss that waits until 5:45 to come down to my office to talk about things. You’re a ghost all day and suddenly you appear after I’ve been suffering for 10 hours, now you decide we’ll talk about things, let me clarify, you will talk about things because I’m not allowed to. You will ramble on more incessantly than my blog, then you will get hated.

...You are the office of ineptitude that I have to walk by everyday on my way out and have to pretend like I want to say goodnight and if I’m lucky, you’ll try to start a conversation as I’m LEAVING. You can see I’m leaving, so can’t you see that I’m hating?

...You are the guy outside the subway on the way home that tries to sell me this morning’s news. Um, maybe you haven’t gotten the news from such old newspapers, but there’s something called the internet, and people waste half their day at work on it and then hate on it.

...You are the people at the gym everyday, that don’t know what a line is. A line works by one person at the front, then everyone else stands behind that person, single file. What you don’t do is stand horizontally, you don’t scatter across the room standing aimlessly so then 6 people argue when a machine opens up and then I hate when the machine opens up

...You are my neighbors that slam their door shut about 19 times during the daily show and Colbert. Who the fuck is coming in and out of there? I’m convinced the 12 year old girl is selling drugs, what else could it be other than me selling hate?

No comments: